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I need advice on how to pull away, to stop loving a married man.

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Question - (22 January 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 January 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, *ovelorne writes:

I need advice on how to pull away, to stop loving a married man. He told me when we met that she had moved back in due to money issues and he proceeded to be very attentive with emails and texts. Its 1 year later and the texts are few and far in between, albeit he still says he loves me. The problem is I have found out that they have no issues between them, she puts lovey dovey notes in his lunch, and calls him honey.

What makes this even worse is that he is addicted to getting "massages" he promised me that he stopped, but I have absolute proof that he still gets them. so why do I love this man? Whats wrong with me. right before meeting him a bit over a year ago, I had my act together, paid my bills on time, and thought to myself that no man would ever get me off track. All I want is to have a sweet honest non married man, but I cant walk away, I feel like I would die if I did. Its not like hes that loving anymore anyways and he could care less about if I had a good outcome during sex. somebody help me out there.

View related questions: married man, money, text

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A female reader, didda123 United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2009):

didda123 agony auntI too have been in this situation though my partner had just split up with his wife but once i was hooked he started going backwards and forwards eventually he left his wife and moved in with me we had a fantastic time at first but slowly i felt a change in him and believe it or not after 11 months he returned to his wife!!

As you can imagine i was devastated he didn't even have the decency to tell me was going back there he just said he was going on his own but even this in my opinion is him trying to keep the door open this end just incase things don't work out.

It just goes to show you that you can never trust a married man he does want his cake and eat it. No doubt he does love you as im sure mine does but he is torn between the two of you. His wife has had a longer input into his life so it is very difficult for him to make a break and especially if they have children.

Even if you feel that you cannot pull yourself away from him at the moment pick up on your social life, see your friends more, join a gym and you will put yourself in a more likely position of meeting someone new then you will soon forget him.

I know it is difficult but it is for the best in the long run that you move on.

Do you also realize that by you being involved in their marriage so to speak you are acting like a crutch for them and could actually be holding their marriage together! Make the break let him know what you intend to do, if he has any real feelings for you this will make him think twice.

Good luck hope you can be strong x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009):

Honey, I've been there and it is DIFFICULT yes, but time does wonders. I been inlove with a married man about 3 years ago, thought he was the one but turned out it wasn't. He was so sweet, such a charmer and the sex was great but in the end his wife was still the one he went back to. Think about it, you can't call him after hours cause his wife might answer, week-ends are not yours and if they are you can't be seen in public together. I promise you, it won't work. Let him go. It hurts yes, it will continue to hurt for a very long time still, but eventually you will find the one that's meant for you. The one that is dedicated and devoted to only you, that will love only you and treat only you ike the queen that you are. All of the best.

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A female reader, carriebaby United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2009):

carriebaby agony auntYou have got to be strong and back off. This man is having his cake and eating it. Hes telling you that his wife has moved back in because of money problems?? what a load of nonsense. Love can do funny things to you but face facts that this man is a loser. he has no intentions of leaving his wife for you but gets of on the fact that you are there when he wants it. Ignore his txts, get a new number even and move on. Soon enough you will meet a nice decent guy who wants to spend time with you and show you of to his friends. This loser is bringing you down.

Good luck

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