A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my ex and i are currently talking again-i am on a break with my current boyfriend because i can't get over my ex. anyway, i broke up with my ex because he was emotionally abusive and disrespectful-pressuring me to smoke and drink and sleep with him even though i slept with him originally and then didn't want to, among a list of other things that i didn't care for. we talked for the first time in a year last night for a really long time. he said he feels really bad for the things he did, but also said something about how if i don't want to do something i should just change the subject and walk away. isn't that him not taking responsibility for his actions, and leaving it all up to me? what do i do? i still miss him and love him i think. i obviously haven't gotten over him though i've tried my best. he is moving back near me, but is on again/off again not seriously dating a girl where he's moving too. he has slept with her though. we agreed to take it slow and let the past be in the past, but i just want to make sure i don't get hurt again.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 October 2008):
 your wanting to get back with your ex? abuse = no love. you need to first fully understand that. is he really sorry or is he saying that to regain the control he had over you before? your not getting over someone who is abusive, says you still have to work on building your strength before you attempt any relationship. If we're not happy with who we are, we rely on outside objects to make us happy, which in this case a relationships would be considered the object. you need to work on who you are, your strengths, and limits with how you choose to be treated. the comes the most difficult part. you have to remain firm and not give leway when it comes to how a man treats you. don't lower your expectation for anyone, no matter how you may feel about them.
A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (11 October 2008):
 There are some people in life you will always love, but do to history and circumstances those people are not meant to be a part of your life. The fact that you are worried, means that the past can not just be the past. How do you learn from the past if you decided to ignore it? You can't make him take responsible for his actions, but you can be responsible for your own. If you do let him back in, look for the warning signs and cut anything abusive off before it starts. But that alone seems, set up for failure.
I truly believe and encourage you not to go back, but rather look for a meaning relationship ship that can truly start on a fresh foot without worry of abuse or repeat mistakes. You are a wonderful person and strong person to make it through the abuse, let other people with more promise see that side of you. Be strong, trust yourself and live life to its happiest. Whatever your decision, I am rooting for you.
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