A
male
age
41-50,
*roken gay
writes:The point is why I miss my ex? its more than 2 months and I cant get him out of my mind. Every song, street, place, smell, reminds me of him. And why? was he something good . he was the most bad thing in my lifeThis man, lied on me, promised me in fake promises, marriage, travel, He wasn’t serious with me as I was. Broke up with and would start his next day healthy and happy... while I was "dead" inside. I was rejected twice by him, when I tried to get him back I cried to him 3 times. I said please please take me back and I wasn’t mistaken, he was. The relationship wasn’t nice at all. It was nice the first 2-3 months and the rest was terrible. I spent this relationship on dear cupid asking questions, I don’t know what I miss in him, his back that he used to give me in the bed (turning away from me). Or is it I miss him when he is ignoring me.. 24/7 a week Or I miss his response when I say (I love you) he used to answer (I know)or I miss you, his answer you don’t have to miss me , or you look nice today , his answer ok thanks , Why I miss him! when he was running away from me , he hate hugging , if I hug him , he used to answer I cant breath And he just want to play , just sex could be any one , not me This man I stayed with him 2 weeks after break up because I didn’t believe the break up because I was hoping to get him back His response was telling his friends , that I cant afford to move out , and I am annoying him and he wish that I will move quickly What I miss or what , when he wanted to kick me out of is home This man was the most awful thing in my life I moved out , started new life, new place and friends , happyBut he is still there Some nights I cry , some night I miss him and I feel I need the old man that I date and loved Some nights I feel like to call him or to e-mail him Why? And he is happy and he started seeing whores and playing around. How I could get him out of my mind and he's still there. I have mixed feelings between i hate him and i miss him and i dont want to see him anymore but i feel sad to see him with another cuz i thought that he was only for me. Why do I still miss him while he was an awful person? i wasnt happy with him but i miss him now after break up
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): Why do you still miss him? Because you are human, an it is natural that you will feel this way. Despite how he treated you, you obviously still cared about him. Whether you should have or shouldn't have is absolutely irrelevant. YOU cared about him, and so of course you are upset he is gone.
You aren't happy now, but it has only been a couple of months. Maybe things will improve, and you will start to feel happier. With him, you was not happy. Without him...who knows? Just because you are unhappy without him right now, doesn't mean it will stay that way. Two months is no time at all.
I do understand you though. I was once in a relationship with a man who was terrible to me. He lied, he stole money from me, he would disappear and ignore me for months on end, he had other women, he suggested he only wanted me for sex...and when we split up, I was devestated. I knew he was bad for me. But I still missed him and wanted him. Other people thought I was crazy. They saw this horrible, manipulative man, and couldn't understand what I saw in him. But I loved him. I saw something in him worth loving, and I did.
I also used to struggle not to contact him. But you have to stay strong and be firm with yourself. Those moments when you miss him the most...that's when it is most tempting to contact him, and that is when you need to distract yourself. Remind yourself of all the unkind things he did and said whenever you start to feel like this. He is moving on, why should you stay stuck?
I know this must feel awful right now. But I did get over my guy. You can too. But really, it takes time. More than a few months. But it will get easier. I am sorry this has happened to you, but I think this has happened for a reason. It has happened because he is not the right person for you. He cannot appreciate you as you deserve to be appreciated. He cannot see all of the wonderful and special things about you. He is not the one. But this means that there are other guys out there, who will appreciate and love you for you. Right now, all you can see and feel is this one guy. It is like walking in a fog, and the only thing that feels safe and solid, reassuring and comforting, is HIM.
But you have to be brave and let go. Trust that you will not lose yourself in all of this. You will actually be freeing yourself.
I know this is extremely difficult, and it is not something that can be healed overnight. But I hope something here helps. Give yourself more time to heal, and take good care of yourself. xxx
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