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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my boyfriend. We'd been having issues for almost a year. However, I love him with all my heart and didn't wanna leave him but he left me no choice.Actually, we've broken up a lot of times, and usually came back together after a day. To be honest, now I think I'll probably talk to him again either today or tomorrow, as he has a bunch of my stuff at his place.Well, we were the happiest couple for six months. He had always been a jealous guy, a lot, he had told me not to say ANYTHING about my past. He had me in this pedestal, I lost my virginity to him, but he actually thought I was purer than the other girls. He thought I was this kind of angel, I guess his expectations were too high.Now, I knew he'd be devastated to find out that a couple of years before meeting him, the mutual freidn who introduced us was actually my fwb. So I never told him. Then, six months into the relationship he popped the dreaded question, had I ever had something with our mutual friend? I wasn't ready to discuss my past, plus I was too much of a coward to risk losing him, so I denied it. However he didn't believe me, and I came clean. There, in one second I broke his trust, in one second I fell off his pedestal. I however lied about a couple of details about that relationship and he found out later because I felt too guilty to keep up with the lies.I don't see how he "forgave" me, but he did. He started asking about every guy I had been with, and that also made him think less of me, because he got this image that I was an easy girl because I had made out with random guys I had just met. Actually, just 2, but still. He always held everything against me, and brought it up every time he was frustrated. Yet, he also told me he loved me more and more every day. Our fights weren't that frequent, we were mostly great, we get along great in lots of areas and just click.But today, he asked me if I had ever had something with any of my sister's friends. I told him I didn't. He didn't believe me, and said he wouldn't because I had lied to many times to fool him again. I asked him if he wouldn't even consider the chance that maybe I wasn't with any of them. He said he wouldn't, so I broke up.Needless to say I'm devastated. I understand though that I made my bed and now I have to sleep on it. But how do I cope?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 If you want to have peace, you will have to accept the reality of the situation and try to make peace with your surroundings.
Forgive those who have hurt you and ask forgiveness from those you have hurt in the past. Do not keep any grudges or hatred or negative feelings inside of you. Try to think positive and have a positive outlook.
Lastly , if you are a religious person ,cast all your burdens to Jesus or God. This can lighten your emotional burdens.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 I too can relate to this. My EX was very similar and there were some things that of course I lied about since I knew the answer would hurt her being so insecure, jealous and possesive.
Ok, so telling lies is generally not a good thing, but I think there is a difference between telling a lie to hide something bad (like cheating etc), and telling a lie for the right reasons.
To be honest the past should really stay in the past. I never understand why some people have these huge issues... For me, my EX's biggest issue was the fact I was with my first girlfriend for 5-6 years. This was a problem for her since I must've loved her to be together so long (which I did obviously). She had nightmares that I was going to abandon her and run off with my first girlfriend. Never mind the fact we split up about 6-7 years ago with no contact and I was over it.
I have no interest in knowing details about gf's past relationships. You can't change the past so what's the point?
It is difficult enough trying to deal with a break up but, as I've experienced myself, it's extremely difficult when you've had to end it having no choice, especially following what is termed as an "emotionally abusive" relationship.
I wrote an article which might be of some use to you:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Take a look and hope it helps, even if it's just a little :)
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A
female
reader, babeej  +, writes (11 February 2008):
just take each day one at a time. it gets to overwhelming to think of forever without him. just know that today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. try giving advice to other people about your experience. im dealing with an emotionally abusive boyfriend and we are taking a break, sometimes i feel like this is the big break, and like you, we have broken up numerous times. If it was meant to be then it will be, if is isnt, then at least your not with him anymore and you are free to find the person you were meant to be with. I know it hurts, but each day, one at a time, will be better and easier. i hope you feel better.
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