A
male
age
36-40,
*ionelhutz
writes:I met the woman of my dreams and turned something special into a mess. I admit not only is she the first woman I've ever been in love with, but the first I've ever even gone out with. We just seemed so perfect together. Yet looking back I realize I probably made every single mistake a guy can make in his first relationship, from being jealous to needy and everything in between. All things I swore I'd never become.I've learned from the mistakes I've made. Is there anyway to save this relationship? Because even trying to say I'm sorry I'm making all the mistakes you can make to push an ex away instead of trying to make her feel comfortable around me again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Sincerity is key. Not necessarily whether you actually are being sincere (misunderstanding and/or different ways of thinking can morph the most sincerely intended act into treachery in the mind of an ex girlfriend)..but whether she THINKS you are being sincere. Its all about what she thinks.
you can apologize.. Just don't do it 56746 trillion times. Oddly enough, apologies in bulk lose their charm and sincerity with women, unless you are Ruben Studdard. lol
Wait a while.. couple weeks or so. then send a BRIEF letter.. Apologize specifically for some key things, the more specific the better. (such as being jealous or whatever) Tell her you agree with her decision to break up, then hint at something exciting happening in your life. Then tell her that you wish her happiness or something like that. Do NOT get too mushy or lovey dovey but stay warm + cordial.
and then leave her alone. This doesn't work if you continue to hound her after that, because it makes that letter lose its sincerity in her mind.
Do not confess your undying love... do not say "you will always be there for her" or other strategically silly things. Save those lines for when she is actually WITH you and more susceptible to such. Those words should be used more as a reward to her for good behavior, NOT a desperate ploy to win her back. Again, that makes your words seem less sincere when said out of desperation.
Which brings me to: most of all do not be desperate please. Women hate desperate. Actually..they don't hate it..they pity it. And a girl treats a romantically inclined man that she pities, or that she holds in contempt (a wonderful mix of hate and pity), like an Ebolla plague victim.
Send that letter and stick by the leaving her alone part... and if you are lucky she will make it known in one way or another that she is more open to getting back with you. Then from there it is game on.
To summarize: Strive to seem sincere without seeming broken hearted, obsessive, or desperate.
Btw, This is NOT a failsafe way, but your chances will be better. If you do not hear from her you must be prepared to move on.
~ Chris
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): You don't say exactly what you've done so it's hard to give advice, but I did notice that you referred to her as your ex. So you have already broken things off with her?
I don't think you just "make mistakes" for nothing, though. If you guys were so perfect together, you would have had to have made a LOT of really bad mistakes for her to leave you, or, you could have overestimated how good you really were together. As much as you feel like she was special etc right now, I would suggest you move on and try to take the lessons you've learned to the next relationship you find yourself in.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (31 May 2009):
Everyone makes mistakes, its human nature, within us all shapes who we are and what we become each time we learn from a mistake and never allow it to repeat itself. Yes ok you’ve been everything you didn’t want to be but aren’t we all at some point? You only ever really did it through love and a deep love at that.Your feelings are clear and wont go away so make them be seen and heard. Your serious, she needs to know that, every woman needs stability and security offer her that.We all have pasts and parts of our relationship we try to forget but if you let it affect your future it’s letting the impossible to fix, win. You’ve learnt, so of course there is something to save, the love and utter devotion you show toward this woman stress how much there is left to save so don’t give up. Your right in sorry doesn’t always make it right, words are easy showing it is the hard part, prove yourself with openness and honesty shell respect you and believe you for all of that. An ex? You save that detail till last, I stick by an ex is an ex for a reason, whether you can battle through that reason is a different matter, with the support and love of each other you will get through it I'm sure, remember it takes two she needs to be as far ahead as you are. Be yourself, the person she once loved, forget everything just focus on now and what it is you want.
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