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female
,
anonymous
writes: We started dating almost 2 weeks ago. He lies about the dumbest things but then i caught him lieing about liking this other girl before we dated. I don't care who he liked in the past but he shouldn't lie. Last night when i was in the shower, he was on my computer messaging this girl saying "can i call you so i can tell you i don't have feelings for you so my girl can here" then he said how she was beautiful and can't wait til she is 18 and wants to kiss her then he said something about " can i call u and tell u have no feelings 4 u like the dating part and were just friends so my bitch wont call the cops on me for liking someone younger" Ok, i wouldn't call the cops. I love him so much but if he says he is done lieing, should i believe it? I know most of you will say no because you all have been through it but how do i know for sure? He was crying too., what should i do? I do love him! keep in mind he is with me every day and min. that i let him. and this girl will be at a concert Monday and if he wanted her then he wouldn't want me to go so bad. I told him liers don't change and he said "well this one does" then he was like i only said all that to her because you told your ex you loved him like a bro. and i told him that is just a excuse. I want to work stuff out with him but i want to make sure he won't lie anymore. He told me he would never cheat and when he gets a job i could have people watch him that he doesn't even know. He came out and said that himself. What should i do? You guys are good at this! Thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (17 November 2006):
 Basically you cannot change another person or control what they do or say. Although I can understand why you are angry and frustrated with this guy, you really ought to feel sorry for him...that is no excuse for his behaviour but understanding him a bit more maybe the key to facilitating change for him. He maybe telling lies because he feels insecure about your relationship and too immature to handle it - some people have a self-destruct button when life is going well for them! He maybe a pathological liar...it is part of a personality disorder that is surprising common. He seems to recognise that he does have a 'problem' so why not suggest he gets some professional help for what ails him before it ruins his life. Of course you cannot trust him yet - he must regain your trust but you can be a supportive girlfriend all the same if you wish to stay with him.
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