A
female
age
30-35,
*ucha
writes:i am a female aged 25 and single. i have 3 men in my life. i have sleept with them all. 2 are married, 1 is a devorcee and they are all 37years old. my official boyfriend(my friends kno abt him)is the divorcee. one of the married men knows about my divorcee boyfriend and is fine with it bcoz he has tod me he can never leave his family. the other 1 doesnt kno and says he wants to marry me 1 day(i no its a lie)i love my divorcee man and he doesnt know i cheat on him. i dont know why am doing this to him please help me my life is a mess.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): You are sad, pathetic, probably abused as a child, and need to find other ways of getting self-esteem. Just because these guys want to sleep with you doesn't mean your sexy, most guys would do a couch if the pillows were fluffy enough.
Get a lifeee.
A
female
reader, mucha +, writes (4 September 2008):
mucha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanonymous, i have never really had physical abuse but ever since i can remember my dad has owaz being cheatn on my mum. they are now on separation. i had vowed that i would never cheat or date a married man bcoz of the experience of watchin my mum go thru emotional pain, but am surprised its exactly what am doing to other pipo.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): Hmmm...in the terms of Freud; "Tell me about your childhood."
What you're describing hints of the effects of some kind of major abuse event(s) that have happened to you earlier in your life. I can't tell you what it is, you should know. Everything you've described is liek a huge red flag for that.
It's something that you need to see a professional about before you get into any other intimate relationship. All that you're creating is toxicity in your life. Seriously, you said yourself that your life is a mess. It's not really your fault though when abuse cycles do their thing they're a little bit uncontrollable.
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A
female
reader, mucha +, writes (4 September 2008):
mucha is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think am ready to choose my devorcee boyfriend but the problem is he doesnt want to test for HIV, am negative. so again it leaves me stuck. i hav tried to convince him but he is not willing. i love him and its true. so wat do i do. he even has 2 children boy is 16 and girl is 12 but they dont live with him. i have bin with my devorcee for only 4months. 5years with da 1 who says he wants to marry me and 3years with the other man.
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A
female
reader, mucha +, writes (4 September 2008):
mucha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey baddogj thanks so much for being polite.for your advice which i belive is da right way out. as for the anonymous writer u are right and i agree with you am a whore,thanks for driving it home to me.
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A
male
reader, fukthaworld88  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 if u love him dont cheat girl. ask him if he would like to join or somethin. just dont go behind his back pickin up std's and stuff. if that dont work out break up with him or just tell him what your doin. cuz sooner or lata he will find out. then it will probably be ova. if ya tell him whats been goin on he might respect u a lil more for bein honest. i know from experience. i have done tha smae thang to a few a my girlfriends and i have had a few of them do it to me. but i am tellin ya u will get caught sooner or lata. when u get caught there is pretty much no chance for relationship. becuz now he will know ur a liar and cheated on him. if ya lie bout it tha whole time to him there will neva b trust and he will stop lovin u. if ya at least tell him whats been goin on maybe he can forgive ya. i dont really know but i have alwayz found that trust is tha most important factor in long term relationships. good luck
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 Mucha, sweetheart, I won't judge you for your relationships because I have some that are just as confused and just as hard for me to understand BUT please just STOP what you are doing. Zambia is a very very dangerous country in which to be sleeping with multiple men, especially men who you know are in the habit of cheating on their wives.
I'm sure that you know this better than I do but 1 in 5 people in Zambia carry HIV. Among 37 year old men who cheat on their wives the % is probably double that. There is a very high chance that one of these 3 men has HIV / AIDS. Life is worth living, don't die of AIDS and don't be the one to pass AIDS into a family. Drop your 2 married men, now, today, they are using you anyway - trust me I'm a married, 38 year old, man who has two 25 year old girlfriends - get yourself an HIV test, get your divorcee boyfriend to take an AIDS test. Even once those tests come back clean use a condom every time. Swear to each other that you won't have sex with anyone else, ever.
So, a morality lecture on sexual fidelity from one multiple adulterer to another - it's a strange world - but if you carry on the way that you are you will never live to be my age. That is just the sad fact of life in Zambia.
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