A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my mother but things have to change. When I was younger, she kept me in the house all the time. I wasn't allowed to go over friend's houses, birthday parties, sleepovers etc. I became withdrawn, shy-an outcast at school. When I tried rebelling to get away from the suffocation and her bf at the time, I was beaten. But things changed when I entered high school and my little sis was born, we became closer. I'm eighteen now and no, I don't think I know it all. I'm clueless! But, I'm ready to make mistakes and learn. I have a bf, lost my virginity to him-my mom doesn't know. She wanted me to "wait." Well, I needed to. Wanted to see the good side of intimacy after being molested. I'm 18, 19 in Nov. I cant stay out past 11. Can't ever sleep out. But if I move out, she'll shatter. She's so sickly now...I love her but I want to breathe! She's trying to protect me but to live, don't I need to be given the chance to make my choices? I've tried talking to her-nothing. Please, how can I change things?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): If you are a grown up young woman who has been molested then please seek treatment for that issue. My mother at times has been an over bearing controlling person and sometimes I just say "This topic is off limits." and refuse to discuss things that are harmful to me.
Seek treatment for your psychological issues and then worry about your mother.
Jenn
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): oh hunny this is such a sensitive subject,i can see that. But people have children so that they can nurture them, love them and watch them grow up and inevitably leave home themselves one day. ur mother needs to give you a chance to grow up and become the young woman that she must have once imagined you being. I know its never nice to drag ur family members into things but do u mayb hav and aunt ect who could help you sit ur mum down and talk. Also she is probably worried about ur well being, how well does she know ur boyfriend. Why dont you set up a day doing something that the three of u, (yourself, mother and boyfriend) enjoy doing eg going for a nice meal together, make sure that he's on board too and understands. tell ur mum that its because both you and ur boyfriend would like it if he and ur mother could get to know eachother better. That way mayb she will feel included and that effort is being made. Mayb he could pay? Dont see this as a trick, its basic psychology. Its giving ur boyfriend the chance to show ur mother he is a gentleman and cares for u by supporting ur relationship with ur mother.
You could write her a letter with all of ur feelings written down. If ur mother is fragile and u do move out dont cut contact. Invite her over, ask if u may visit, put aside a specific day every week to meet up and have a chat over coffee or a walk in the park. This is what my mother and i do, and we get on better than ever. I hope all goes okay hunny, the best of luck keep me posted. X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I'm sure you mother is made of sterner stuff and is not a bitty old brittle gatekeeper. Perhaps, you both need to respect each other more. Does she know you were molested?
She should know so she knows why you are acting the way you are now. You need to act more responsibly if you want you mother to lower her guard regarding your apparent childish ways. If none of this applies try moving out and see how your life improves.
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