A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI Will Try And Simplify My Problem, Really Hope You Can Help.I am originally a Muslim girl but really deep in my heart I am (a deist-theist-agnostic)whatever you wanna call me I am not really bothered, all I know is that I believe in god but not religions yet I do respect all religions and keep an open mind, I am human without a label !My believes had put me through so much agony as I am an Arab from a very religious family, I was abused from a very young age for refusing to practice Islam to speaking out my mind about feminine issues etc, after years of being physically, mentally abused I managed to run away from my family and to fade/adapt in the Western world, I simply fit here more than I ever did back home, I am not an activist of any shape or kind, I am not after fame or publicity (witch I can easily get) I even refused some offers from organizations such as anti-Islamists and extreme feminine groups to work with them because I did not run away from my family for others I done it for myself and myself only.Point is I finally managed to be happy within a mostly open minded society, people do find me a bit weird or exotic as I had been called a lot of times but genuinely I fit in right, I have friends of all different types of faith or no faith at all (doesn't really make a slight difference to me!)I celebrate Xmas , Eid and Jewish holidays, for my personal pleasure I studied the Gospel, Talmud and of course Islam, Although I do know a lot about religions (surprisingly enough-specially about Islam-more than lots of Imams I came a cross who failed to answer simple questions etc) I see myself as a secularist liberal who loves life and enjoys it to the fullest.I have had previous serious relationships (long term) but no of them was with any Muslims as I deep inside know that by being with a Muslim I will have to live up to a certain expectations and to agree (act as if I agree) with so many issues and things and I find it hard to not speak my mind- i feel controlled and i hate it.Real issue is, a year ago I met an Asian man, I was out in a hen night, in a club drinking, (not a place for good Muslims lol) he was very charming, presented himself to be a non practicing Muslim, a free liberal soul, we got to know each other in the upcoming months, I thought I met my match, just what I need, someone who understand exactly where I am coming from as Muslim Asians and Arabs have a very close and similar upbringing, life was fun for few months, we started having sex witch was amazing but soon after, I don't know where did this come from he proposed to me, I tried to tell him that I do not believe in marriage and that I generally do not want to get married he asked for my reasons and I simply told him that if we love each other enough to be together then we will be, getting married is not for everyone and it is certainly not my cup of tea, he then tried to emotionally black mail me, saying things like do it for me, it will mean the world for me, I do not wanna live in sin and this went on for months, specially the part where he keep saying that I should marry him to make him happy.Now its a year gone since we have been together, let me tell you that he is a very good person, very warm, loving, caring, he adores me and tries hard to make me happy but I feel like he had a mask on to get me to like him, I was very upfront with what I like and what I don't and he simply played along to get me.I do like him a lot, or even you can say I love him but I am struggling to accept his conversations about Islam and how wrong I am, trying to force me to eat only Halal food, telling me to cover up, preaching me, he hides my beliefs from his family and he paint a picture of me as a good Muslim to them and to his friends, he is trying to make something of me that I am not.And his very specific phrase (if you love me you do this for me) I had so many arguments with him that he knows well from the start what I am like and that my believes are mine exactly like his believes in his, everyone is entitled to their opinions, but now he prays and becoming a practicing Muslims this affects all areas of my life, such as dressing to food to even TV shows.. It insults him when I say I gonna have a Xmas tree !!!Today we had another fight because of Eid (Muslim celebration) where an animal is sacrificed, I am not very excited to tag along with him to witness this (blessing)I know that all meat comes from animals who have been killed one way or another but buying the meat of a supermarket shelf (or halal food shop) is different that seeing it, I tried to explain to him I seen it so many times while back home and it always made me sick he goes on to fight about how excited I am about Xmas and my Xmas tree that it is shameful that I am not excited about my own religion, well, in Xmas you do the best shopping, you have the best dinner and you end up with gifts !! its bloody exciting !!!!Now I do not know what to do, my mind tell me to give up this relationship as we are both very different and he is not willing to accept my beliefs but my heart says be with him he is a real man and regarding this very issue e is lovable.I am torn apart. please help me make up my mind.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2013): If you stayed with this will lead to heartache for u or him, i guess now is time to do the right thing for yourself. You deserve better
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 October 2013):
 Hi OP.
It seems you went to great lengths to remove yourself from the confines of a religion you don't agree with, only to find yourself back at square one with a man who's trying to mould you into exactly what you don't want to be.
I think you should go with your mind over your heart. From your post, I'm not even sure that your heart is truly won over by this man. You say he is loveable, "you could even say that I love him" - but do you love him?
If you were to marry him, his controlling nature would only get worse. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Do you want children who will be brought up under his faith; do you want you or your daughters to have to "cover up"? Do you want to carry on the pretence of being religious for his family?
You fought hard to get away from exactly what this man expects of you.
You have to make up your own mind and I think you're 90% there on your own. It's OK to walk away now. Better that than years of misery.
Good luck to you x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): I could tell you what do to but ultimutely the decision is yours because you love him but does he make you happy? I think if he is becoming an active member of his religion then you are going to have more and more problems especially if he is trying to force that on you whilst hiding the "true" you from his family. You can sit and talk about it serioiusly explaining that how ever much i love you there are certain things i will not do, just like no matter how much you love me you won't certain things. Like i doubt he would become a vegetarian to please you or where a jewish cap etc. If he cannot understand that you will never be the muslin women he wants then you might want to walk away because its going to be just as difficult if you bring kids into the situation and you are fighting over how to raise them. I think you need a big talk and be prepared for maybe having to walk a way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): dump his sorry ass you need to find someone who loves you for, listen to you mind on this one.
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