A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for 14 months. I love her soo much but it seems that as soon as things get really good she finds a reason to get confused about me. Last Friday she phoned me in the morning and woke me up which is fine. She wanted to go out for the day and that's great but she gave me 20 mins to get up and meet her and we missed the bus. Even though another bus came 30 mins later and the time we got there didnt matter she said I had spoilt the excitment of what she wanted to do and got moody with me. I had barely woken up at this point and was rather pissed off at her mood so I was a little quiet. Ever since she has told me that it gave her doubts about our relationship and she has been different. This evening she came over and we watched a film then had to go home before the film even finished because her last bus was around 10pm. She has stayed at mine before so why does she constantly feel she has to go home? I phoned her while she was on her way home and I told her that I wanted to talk to her about some various issues I'm having but she never gave me a chance to talk. We are both 22 and I want to have excitement in our relationship without caring about little things like buses. She says she doesn't understand why I care if she stays the night, should I, I dont know anymore. I love her soo much, she's funny, gorgeous, intelligent, and soo much more and don't want to lose her but really need to figure our problems out because I don't know how much more I can take. Sorry for the length, thank you for any advice or clarification. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thanks for all your responces. were gonna talk tomorrow and try to sort things out but i doubt i will get through to her as she is incredibly stubborn but i will try my best. to clarify im her first boyfriend but she does have a very dominant mother. theres soo much to tell her tomorrow but i feel its all jumbled inside my head and its gonna be really hard to explain how im feeling.
A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Hello Love. I can fully understand why your girlfriend is acting this way. she pretty much reminds me of myself.
I get very annoyed when my boyfriend is like 15 minutes late when we are meeting up. I get annoyed when my boyfriend doesnt call me on the dot and etc.
She has probably had a very tough time in past relationships. Sounds like she has become a controlling person in a relationship becuase of the way she may have been treated in her past ones. So now she wants to make sure thins go her way becuase shes scared of lossing you. Silly thing to do I know. but its like being back in elemetery school. a boy has a crush on a girl but the way he tries to get her attention is by being mean to her or pushing her around. its a very strange way to do it and thats the same as what your girlfriend is doing. She has obviously been tied down before and now wants to take control. It backfired on her. Talking to her will really make the difference. Tell her that you can understand why she has become this way. and tell her that youhave your own life and things just cant be perfect and the way she wants all the time. She will eventually understand this no matter how much we all want to deny to the truth. I am a sensetive person, im insecure and paranoid and your girlfriend might be the same. again being caused by past relationships. when all my boyfriends were late to meet up with me i always thought they had stopped off somewhere like a pub to flirt with other girls..or had another girlfriend behind my back and they were late becuase they were with them. and etc etc.
Talking to her is your key. sit her down and talk talk talk
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Hi Love,
She is taking yor kind and gentle nature for granted, She may be funny gorg and intelligent but she is not being very intelligent when it comes to your needs only her own.
You sound a nice caring person, she needs to take a leaf out of your book sweetheart. Its a two way deal relationships, You jump out of bed rush off to get there on time still half asleep and she isnt happy cause you missed a bus, You have to talk and if she wont listen then you have to not be so there all the time I no you will find this hard love but caring about someone is understanding there needs as well as your own, plus your happiness should be really important to her. Hve that talk how ever hard it is to pin her down, And I hope it works out for you if she really cares she wont let you go TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY
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A
female
reader, tina1696 +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Hi, At a guess, without knowing more about your girls past, I`d say your girlfriend has probably been in a previous relationship with a very controling guy, who made all the decisions and perhaps dominated where and what she did.If that relationship went wrong, then she probably felt a lot of doubt about herself worth and mentaly has made herself become the dominant partner in this relationship to keep the control. That would explain her reaction to you being late for the bus she chose to ride on and also why she says she wants to go home when you want her to stay. She probably thinks just as much of you as you do her, but because of her "baggage" carried over from a previous relationship, finds it hard to let go. If you love her, I`d advise that you just be patient, dont try to push or dominate! dont keep harping on about why she doesn`t stay the night and all the silly little things, let her make her own choises and enjoy the quality time you do spend together, and You`ll probably find her choosing to spend more time with you in the future. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): honestly she doesnt sound right in the head....no offence she sounds kind of controlling and wants to whip around and make sure your doing everything she wants she sounds really sensitive also hmm you really need to talk to her
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