A
male
age
36-40,
*prophet
writes:Well I'm a male and my issue is pretty bad I've been with this girl for a year and she's pregnant with my baby the problem is that a year before I got together with this girl she met a person off the internet [my space] now the first day she met him she slept with him and gave him oral sex the problem that that even though it was before me it happened too be my best friend but when they did it he secretly video taped her giving head and having sex I saw the tape before I met her a year later I bumped into the same girl not knowing it was her untill my friend told me that my girl was th3e same girl from the tape now I don't hang out with my ex friend becuase I love my girl very much she tells me she was very lonely and deppressed she also tells me she did it because her ex at that time use to beat her and she needed some effectiion but now when I look at her I love but hate her for it. we live together and have a child together I can't eat sleep nothing I'm mean to her I love her so much but I'm haunted by this memmory it makes me look at her different what should I do
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best friend, her ex, my ex, oral sex, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Rain1961  +, writes (27 October 2007):
If you really love her like you said you do, forget about her past, focus on the present and the future. Besides, she did what she did before the two of you were together. It was degrading enough for her to be videoed without her consent and knowledge, don't degrade her more by being mean to her. Forgive and forget. Just give her and your baby the love they deserve.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): It shouldn't be easy for you to recreate on your mind the memories of the mother of your child having sex with your friend. You feel jealous, like your friend has this intimate thing with her he can literaly recreate any time he wants. The truth is now she is with you and what you have is pure. What your friend had with her was lust and she was using him also.
I'm sure he didn't told you she was a virgin when you met her so the video perse and the possibility of it haunting you in the future must be the root of the problem in your head. If you were still friends with the guy and he was truly your best friend you'd ask him for the video and he'd give it to you (so you would destroy it)
This is part of being a mature adult. Accepting your mate has a past you cannot change. You must have your memories of other women also.
Try accepting it maturely.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 I'm sure you find it difficult to deal with the fact that she slept with that friend of yours and everybody knows. Maybe you feel like you'll be everybody's fool. But, the good you saw in her is there to stay, and this is what you should focus on. I don't think you should spoil all the good you have for something that happened before she even met you. I don't think that all the good you have found in her during this time is not to be put aside just because she happened to have sex with a friend of yours. Maybe it will be difficult, but, leave that behind. That is best for all of you.
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