| A
female
age
30-35,
dont need it
writes: I am going to be 35 in about 2 months and had a hysterectomy about 3 years ago and lost all my sex drive.my boyfriend of 10 years is really getting old with not wanting to do it anymore i could go for ever and he really wants to leave me over it and i need to know what i can do about this. i can not take hormone replace pills because there is cancer in my family and they say those pills cause breast cancer. please help me with something to help me keep my man.
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female
reader, Annalisa  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 Talk to your partner and explain tha pressure doesn't help! I think you might have been left emotionally scarred by the operation and need to learn to enjoy sex again.
Make sure you are relaxed when he approaches you. Why not try to think sexy thoughts throughout the day?
Fantasise in your own time, have a warm bath/shower to get yourself relaxed and aroused. Think about what you would like to do to him and what you would like him to do to you.
Don't expect arousal and climax, as pressure will get in the way of enjoyment!
When he gets home, make sure you look and feel sexy. Enjoy a glass or two of good wine/champagne and go for it!
You might like the idea of dominating him. Being in charge can be a real turn on for both of you!
Remember when you were at it like rabbits and that the main turn on used to be love of each other.
Good luck! I hope you can work it out.
A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (16 January 2008):
 Is the drive permanently gone? Or, do you feel no desire initially but after some effort, you get into it?
If it is the former and you cannot use the testosterone cream (you put it on the back of your hand... my friend's husband actually asked her to stop using it because she became a fiend), than I don't know what to say. I would definitely see another doctor, one with a more holistic approach.
If it is the latter, than you need to make a point of planning it. If he insists on spontaneity or quickies only, than he's going to have to accept that those days are going to be few and far between. You will have to make the transition for him exciting by pushing yourself mentally until, physically, your body catches on.
I have to comment, though, that it hurts me a little that you see this as something you are doing to keep your man. I understand the loss of sex drive due to hormonal changes, having gone through it with the birth of both of my babies. However, I missed my sex drive and I wanted it back. In a healthy relationship, sex is not a duty. It's a shared experience that both want to partake in, a simultaneous give-and-take. Even if you don't have the hormones to give you desire, you still have your mind. Look up 'Dr Ruth' in your browser and read about how that is the most important sex organ that you have. If you don't miss it because your memories of sex before your hysterectomy aren't special, than maybe there's more going on in your relationship than a hormonal fluctuation.
Best wishes to you both.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 If he is leaving you because of sex , I think , you could make some sort of arrangement with him to keep him by your side.That is if you still want him.
If he really loves you , he would not leave you , sex or no sex.
Maybe , his leaving is a blessings in disguise because if he cannot leave, you will not find a better man.
Be an optimist.
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