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I lost my friend in a car accident, but my bf doesn't understand why I am grieving so much. How do I make him understand?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2006) 1 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hi there, heres my story...

For years, I used to spend the majority of my time with my best friend. I'd travel around 20 miles at least 3 times a week to see him for a few hours and either sleep over, or travel back home. We were so close, and he was a great guy! Such a laugh! We used to spend time at his house with his mates and have a great time. I started to have feelings for him and I thought I fell in love with him. He told me that he was falling in love with him so I told him the same, but we decided that it wouldnt work because of the distance appart and also the age gap of a few years could cause some problems. We remained friends the same, but then, last June (2005), he proposed to me, with red rose petals on the bed and everything. I accepted and we were so happy, but as the relationship progressed, I realised that it was a crush and not real love. I finally knew one night who my real love was. I had to let my boyfriend know that it wasnt meant to be, and we were better off as friends. We both promised that we would still stick with each other throught anything. A while after our split, my current boyfriend opened his heart to me and told me his true feelings and I just knew he was the one. We decided to get together, and 2 days after, my ex was in a tragic car accident, on foot, he was hit by a speeding car, leaving him in a coma for a week, and then, sadly, he died. After he died, I found out that my current boyfriend and my ex used to wind each other up because they both liked me. I'm still grieving for my best friend, and I miss him so much as a friend. However, my boyfriend cannot understand why I grieve for him so much, and I thought he would be understanding especially seen as he has had a relative that was killed in a car crash. Please, I'm desperate to know how I can help him understand how I feel and how i could deal with my grief more... thanks for any info...

View related questions: best friend, crush, fell in love, my ex

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A male reader, mister-squid +, writes (24 January 2006):

mister-squid agony auntDon't try to make him understand, if he doesn't already then he's not going to. Just explain to him that you're grieving. If you need space from him, then tell him. If you want someone close to you, then tell him. All I can say is that it seems he's being stubborn, and he won't understand if he doesn't want to. Just let him know what YOU want right now.

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