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I led him into an FWB situation but I'm starting to like this guy and want more

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2019) 6 Answers - (Newest, 26 January 2019)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My company decided to hire back a former employee for a small gig once a week. I had known the guy previously, but he was really more of an acquanintance. We would talk a bit at work and I soon realized I thought he was very cute. I am a big time flirt, so it was easy for me to get his number. He is in his early 40s, me in my late 30s. One night I decided to be bold and asked him to go for a drive. We drove around the city and when he asked where we were going, I replied "a hotel". Though I offered to pay since it was my idea, he would not let me. I think the whole thing caught him off guard, but in an exciting way. We had fun, a bit of FWB. I thought that would be the end of it.

His Mon-Fri job takes him on the road all week. We began communicating a bit more. He would call me from the road and we would talk for hours. HOURS. I felt like I had gone about this backwards, we had a one night stand and NOW we are getting to know each other.

A few months after our initial night together, we hooked up again. Laughed the entire time. I felt as though I was with an old friend, we were very comfortable with each other. Sometimes I think my frankness takes him off guard, and he has a very dry sense of humor that sometimes confuses me.

I believe I am starting to like this man. The problem is I have no idea how he feels about me. I know we are friends and have only been intimate twice. I feel as though he will never think of me more than "the woman who seduced him". I truly have never done such a thing before, but I felt a spark, and it's amazing where a lonely heart can lead you.

How do I tell him I am starting to like him and I want to explore something that isn't just sex? Yes, we are definately friends at this point, but I'm not sure if he even sees me as someone he'd want a relationship with, or I am just the woman who "got him into bed".

How do I get him to see me as something more?

View related questions: at work, flirt, one night stand, spark

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A female reader, ClairM United Kingdom + , writes (26 January 2019):

Personally i would see how it pans out a little bit longer. You are clearly an intelligent lady so use subtle ways to make it more than it currently is. Suggest going out on a date or going away for a weekend somewhere, that is getting to know him more than just the sex.

Me and my boyfriend didn't put a label on our relationship until we had been together three months, yes i liked him and vice versa and there was definitely no one else involved for either of us.

But yes you skipped the dating first, but that doesn't have to say you can't start dating, the signs are good, he likes you enough to stay in touch, but you are not exclusive so he may very well see other woman as well.

If you like him you have to bite the bullet and try and move it on, if you are afraid of being rejected so it subtly rather than asking outright.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2019):

Hi OP. Never be naive. He could have another phone or use other devices you aren't aware of. You seduced him and although the rush and thrill of it felt right in the moment, you are now worried that's all it is or will be. I understand. I've done that too. You're afraid he'll keep taking sex and if you want more than sex the relationship will end. So, either keep going and enjoy the sex or ask for more and risk losing him and the sex. It's a tough call but you set yourself up for this by opening a relationship from the starting gate with sex. Of course he isn't going to think you want more. You were fine with pursuing him for the sole purpose of banging him. Some men may get the impression that you're not into relationships if you are that aggressive sexually. He may think that's all you want. Sure he can talk to you for hours. He likes you. And he wants to maintain the friend side of your arrangement so that you can keep having fun together. We women often want more from them. And as I said, it's a risk you take when you're the pursuer. There's nothing wrong with pursuing a man. I was relentless with mine but this was after a year of knowing each other and him giving me signals all along. Going as far as you did may not sit right in your own mind after all is said and done. You're worried he thinks you're just easy. You must now live with the consequences of your actions. Will you be happy in a FWB situation? From what you've said, I don't think so. Therefore you must be honest with him. If he doesn't want a relationship, then you've made your bed OP. But if you stay thinking that he will eventually love you or want to commit to you long term, you are setting yourself up for a broken heart. It's a terrible place to be and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Better to get out now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes, he tells me he's single. I have no reason not to believe him. He often leaves his phone with me to charge. I trust any guy who does that.

Honestly, I'm afraid of rejection at this point.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (25 January 2019):

"How do I tell him I am starting to like him and I want to explore something that isn't just sex?"

"I am starting to like you and I want to explore something that isn't just sex!"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2019):

He talks to you for hiurs

Sure sign that he likes you

About the sedyction - you made him feel good about himself that you found him irresistible, so he and men in general have little issue with a woman sesucing him

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 January 2019):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly, if you could be so bold to seduce him like that... you can be bold enough to ask him if he would be interested in more than just a fling.

Yes, it's kind of backwards to have sex first, THEN think about dating and getting to know a person and it MIGHT not count in your favor.

DO you know if he is single? If not, then you might burn yourself big time here.

You obviously don't have a problem saying what you want, so HAVE that talk. If he wants more, great! If not, at least you know where you stand and can then decide if you want to carry on being causal with him or not.

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