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age
30-35,
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writes: Hello there, I fell in love with a young man, who unfortunately happened to be my high school teacher. Although he was not involved with anyone during my high school years, I knew the implications of being in love with a teacher so I kept silent about it all throughout the four years. In addition to this, I come from a very strict family, who would never support me through this, and so I had to keep everything sealed extra tight. In any case, I finished high school, and gained admission to a university nearby. Because the town is very small, and because of the proximity of my university, I run into him more often than I would like. I try to train my mind to forget about him, and move on. But the moment I see him, everything comes back. On one such encounter, we were talking, and he mentioned something about his new girlfriend. That was possibly the worst day in my life. The moment he mentioned someone else, it felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach and left me there to die. I realized how insignificant my feelings now were, and how unjustified I was in feeling this way for him. My secret didn't have a chance before a real relationship. I've contemplated confessing everything to him, but I feel like there are major problems. First of all, if my family ever finds out, it would create a bigger problem than I started out with. Secondly, I feel like it would be a horrible thing to do to his girlfriend, whoever she may be. But please advice me on what to do. Should I really confess or should I try to do something else to forget and move on? I'm really on the verge of tears right now, so any advice would be appreciated.
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fell in love, has a girlfriend, move on, my teacher, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lonelygirl11  +, writes (18 June 2011):
This is not so much advice but support I am still in love with a teacher i had yrs ago. Ive tried everything to get over him and move on but cant i never told him how i felt not even spoken to him in nearly 13yrs. So i really know and understand how u feel i have bottled up my feelings since i first fell for him about 15/16 yr back have never told anyone about my feelings apart from on here. Im here if u wanna talk
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (17 June 2011):
Lets talk about the differences between being in love and being in a relationship.
Being in love has to do with the way you feel about someone, and the way you are connected with them. It is your measured through your internal experience. Generally when people talk about love in this context, it involves an element of physical or sexual attraction, a desire to be physically close to that person.
Relationships have to do with the way in which people relate with one another in the world. This has to do with how people behave with one another, the things they do together, the way they communicate and the time they spend together. When it comes to love, being in a romantic relationship is most often the way that love is expressed. Romantic relationships are an expression of two people's love for one another, and hopefully in this way you can see how being in love and being in a relationship can be two very different things. As you have experienced.
You are in a situation where you love someone that it has been difficult or inappropriate for you to have had a romantic relationship with. First, you had a student- teacher relationship that you knew could not be transformed into a romantic relationship even though you loved him. You show a lot of wisdom and maturity in realising that from a young age. And now that you are in a better position to possibly have a relationship with him, you find out that he has a girlfriend! That's a frustrating situation.
So what does it all mean? Firstly, feelings of love are not insignificant. All feelings are significant, and none more so than feelings of love. These are amongst the most important feelings. Your feelings are a big part of who you are. To be in love with someone is a great gift, and it should be something that you can unashamedly share with anyone. You are entitled to your feelings no matter what they are, and you have no reason to feel ashamed or insecure about how you feel.
However, how you feel does not have to have any influence on the kind of relationship you have with the person you have feelings for. You know all too well that being in love with your ex teacher has not determined the kind of relationship you have with him, there are other factors that determine this. The two are operating separately in this case.
Secondly, you need to think about these differences, and decide what you are going to do about your feelings you have, and about the relationship you want. At the moment, you are not able to have a relationship with him because he has a girfriend, and you may never be able to have a relationship with him, but you can tell him how you feel about him. Does anyone know how you feel about him? You need to decide if you are trying to actually have a relationship, or if it is simply important for him to know how you feel about him, how you have felt for all of these years. It might be very meaningful for you to simply tell him so that he knows, even if you know you won't be getting anything back from him in return. You don't even know if he has ever been in love with you or not, there is a good chance he might not have ever been simply because he probably thought of you all of this time as a student. Is it important to you that he loves you in return. Would it make a difference to how you feel about him?
All of these things are interesting to think about, but they come alive when we live them, when we speak our truths. You can choose when might be a good time or a bad (inappropriate time) to speak about your feelings, and who you choose to talk to, but I would say there is no reason to keep your love secret. As for having a relationship, well, thats a different matter altogether....
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