A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me he once was involved in a threesome with his previous long term partner. He wasnt allowed to touch the other girl and just watched as they got on with it. I now feel like our sex life isnt enough. I have asked him if he wants something like this with us but he insists he doesnt and that im enough for him and he wouldnt want to see anyone else touch me. I cant help but think he is just saying this to make me feel better.I feel like I need to match this sexual act or better it. How can I get past this?? its doing my head in...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): There is no quick fix here other than patiently weave for yourself these logical explanations why you shouldn't have these trust issues, the answers are right in front of you and you just have to acknowlegde and integrate them and let these rational ideas slap the fearful ones as they sprout legs and hustle and bustle in your mind, don't let them germinate and grow as they are harmful for the relationship.The truth is you don't feel adequate in your own skin, this is not about your partner. You have to learn to like the sight of yourself. You want to be more than you are and can be because you are desperate to keep him by your side but instead you will only achieve to convey an image that is not you really, only a fake image thus unattractive and this will end up pushing the beloved one away. Accept his comment as the flattery it is and try to take each and every gesture and not only the progress in your relationship but also what keeps your relationship on a constant line like every day kissing as a confirmation that your relationship is safe and try not to sink down with imaginary thoughts that grind you down and cause you anguish because you pay so much attention to them. You can become stronger as soon as you decide to and truly wish to and these shocking thoughts that we all have you will then learn to drive away by equally powerful thoughts that you have to procreate to counteract the former. I have said this before, our thoughts and imagination are extremely influencial and can produce a very effective outcome or quite the contrary.Hold on to any idea that can help you and you will have a gain. Right now you insist to be degraded. I assure you it won't feel better to participate in a threesome just for his sake. Never accept (not to mention insist) to do a certain thing for only your partner's happiness neglecting yours. You should realise you are digging your own hole by doing so.Why would he be saying this and that only to make you feel better? Think rational thoughts. What is the point of questioning every point he makes? Whether this is because you were cheated on before or have not had the secret attention you craved for in the past, now you are in a committed relationship so take each compliment as it is, as an encouragement to help you relax as well, to speak your mind and help you shatter the poor image you have about yourself. Practise counteracting the unhealthy ideas that challenge your esteem with positive ideas and have more trust. Don't let this situation worsen until he is tired of trying to convince you.You are actually in this manner tying chains to him, do you see, you force yourself to be better in order to make sure he is dedicated. Also, it is not unheard of that you want to better and be more desirable for the benefit of your man, to surprise him with a new game is not a bad idea and you can find many online tips and tricks but you don't have to excel here nor be perfect, just accept how you are and what can't be changed. As I said, pay more attention to your thoughts. "Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have."
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (16 February 2009):
 Threesomes are not good for proper relationships in many cases. Most guys love the idea of a threesome but in a true loving relationship think it is a horrible idea as it's almost seen as cheating.
I think when he says he doesn't want that with you, he is telling the truth and you a very lucky that he feels this strongly about you yet didn't feel like that about his ex.
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A
male
reader, The old Man?  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 He's paid you a compliment whether you realize it or not!
When you asked him if he wanted a threesome, and he declined. By not wanting for anyone else to touch you, he has placed you above her!
As a guy, I'll say that to share a sex buddy is one thing, but a lover,,NO WAY! Even though they were together for a long term, doesn't mean he held the same respect for her as he does you.
There are many of ways to spice up sex without bringing a third person in. I'm sure you can create some things that will "top" a threesome. Besides the things you may find online, just let your imagination wander. You'll do just fine.
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