A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ladies, do you ever want to try to make your husband/b.f feel loved? Or appreciated? If he were to tell you that he didn't feel it, and let's say you have been together for a couple of years, would you you try harder to please him? What about physically? If he said he missed that passionate excitement or the physical spark, would you want to try harder to please him? Because I'm in a relationship where my physical part of the relationship is strained and kisses are rare with my g.f and no matter what it hasn't changed for two years in this relationship. Will she ever change. I just want our spark back. And I tell her about this ALOT
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 If you have spoken to her about it and she still doesnt make any effort then chances are no, you will never get the spark back and she will never change.
If my partner ever said to me that he doesnt feel loved and is also missing some excitement in the bedroom then regardless of how long we have been together I would make an effort to show him how much I love him and to make things more exciting in the bedroom.
I was in a (sort of) similar situation to you - my partner simply would not have sex with me, no matter what I tried and how many times I initiated he would always have an excuse not to have sex. We ended up having sex about once a month maybe once every 2 months. This drove me mad, it upset me so much and made me feel very unwanted. I tried everything - I lost weight, bought new underwear, tried new things in the bedroom...eventually I just spoke to him about it and he thought our sex life was 'fine'. I kept on telling him that it wasnt 'fine' for me and I needed more than once a month, and that I was unhappy. He never changed no matter how much I spoke to him about it - so in the end I had to end the relationship because I couldnt settle for so little sexual contact and it was making me too unhappy.
When I ended the relationship he said to me 'why didnt you tell me it was so serious you were thinking of breaking up with me' - so I guess it seemed to him that even though I kept talking about the lack of sex and that I wasnt happy, he didnt think it was that serious and that it wouldnt make me leave him.
So perhaps it is the same for your girlfriend - maybe if you sit her down one last time and explain that you are on the edge of breaking up over this so unless she changes and works with you to get the spark back you are going to have to walk away. Yes ultimatums are not nice and I would not normally advise this, but as per my ex-boyfriend's comments sometimes people dont understand how serious the situation is unless you lay it down on the line.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, bearN  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 The best would be talk to her about it. That being said, you too should make an effort to make her feel wanted. I think she is feeling bored in the relationship. You should think of something you did at the beginning of the relationship which will again regain her interest in you. I am sure you remember the details of how you two got attracted. Sometimes you need to remind her. I am sure she will open up. And give her thoughts as to what is lacking in the relationship.
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