A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So...I've been with my boyfriend for about two years. We have a lot of unresolved issues but we really do love each other at the core of our relationship.ANYWHO! My dilemma is this. He aggravates me like no other! He is like my annoying son who won't leave me alone. He pushes me off the bed, tickles me (which I HATE) lays on top of me until I can't breath, he just ALWAYS wants to play. He smothers me. But when I try to tell him to stop, get off of me, or leave me alone he acts as if I'm cold hearted, when really I'm not, I'm just agitated with him. Then he expects me to have sex with him ALL THE TIME. I feel like he does not respect me or my feelings. I try to do him favors, but he interrupts me and does it himself as if I can't do anything right. I just hate him. But I love him. He wants to get married and the longer we're together the less and less I find him attractive or want to start a family with him. Ugh! What to do?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 It's going to hurt him, so stop trying to be nice about it. "I love you, but I don't like you any more, and I don't want to be your girlfriend. We have grown apart, you're not what Im looking for at the time. If it is meant to be we will find each other again in the future".
That last line typically helps the ones who cling on to the idea of "undying love", and makes it easier to let go.
There is no gentle way to break it off. You just do, and follow through. I understand your problem, that he doesn't respect your wish to leave and wont let you. Perhaps, as you know this is what he will react with, plan how to break up with him in a way that wont make it possible for him to "negotiate" his way back in.
You could break up with him while he's away (not on vacation), but when you're not face to face. For example. It might not be the nicest way of it, but come on... you've done nice several times, it's time you take off the silk gloves.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 You've tried to get out already, as Chigirl says, tell him love isn't enough and the relationship can never work out.
Maybe have a break first for a couple of months and walk away that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): It's a difficult situation I'm in with him. We both know we aren't right for each other but he keeps holding on and pretending its not as bad as it is. Believe me I've tried to break up with him...A LOT. But he just refuses to let me leave he says things like: "The only way I'll leave is if you tell me you don't love me anymore" and how can i say that? I do love him, I just don't like him anymore.
How can I break this to him gently without hurting him?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 May 2011):
Is this your first serious relationship? If so here's a relationship fact you can not overlook, and must not fool yourself into thinking isn't real: LOVE is never enough.
You love each other... but.
If that's the situation, let love be love, but understand that a relationship at it's core is not founded on love. A relationship is founded on trust, respect, communication, and some will say commitment. He doesn't respect you, communication lines are down, and to what degree you trust each other I don't know.
Did I love all of my exes? Sure, and to some degree you always will harbor a warm feeling for them as they were a part of your life. But at one point you got to open your eyes to see that love alone is not enough to make a good relationship. It's a nice place to start a relationship, but it's not what will make the relationship last.
So if you ever find yourself at the point where you say "our relationship is crap, but I love him", it's time to end it. Be a big girl and rip off the band aid fast, it'll hurt for a while, but then you will feel better.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 May 2011):
"I Just Hate Him"....Girl, it's staring you right in the face but you just can't see it. You don't love this guy at all. "He is like my annoying son who won't leave me alone"... You feel for him like you feel for an irritating family member. Love for a son, father or brother, not love for a man who you find sexy and makes you tremble.You don't hate him like you claim you do, but he definitely aint the right guy for you. The things he's doing are normal love play and the right girl would find find it sexy. If you were with the right guy you wouldn't dislike it so much.You don't need our advice, you know exactly what is wrong and how you feel about this guy."He wants to get married and the longer we're together the less and less I find him attractive or want to start a family with him."Leave him to find a girl who loves him. You need to spend time alone, it's not good that you don't understand what you actually want or need. You don't even like this man, but you pretend to love him. Don't be one of them women who can't exist without a man. Learn to proud of the woman you are and it will be easier to attract the man who is right for you.
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