A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a serious emotional roller coaster dilemma. I am currently in Switzerland with my ex and battling emotional issues.Well we met 15yrs ago. He was nothing but nice to me. Although I took advantage of him and didn't really care because not only was he the oldest guy 12yrs older that I've dated and I was only 18. Plus his English was not too fine.I moved to the states and started dating other men but no one compared. Eight years later we decided to elope. I went with it but my mind was not made up. While he was travelling to propose to me, he got locked up partly for missing documents for his job and using fake I'd as a resident in another country. I admit I wasn't there for him. I was hurt too for he lied to me. When he got out 6 mths later, I finally told him it's over and broke his heart.We kept in touch just as friends thereafter. Fast forward I haven't metanyone like him. I missed him. Then ploited to be holidaying for a week in an hotel close by to where he stays.Lets just say we had sex the first night. Two nights after the sex g or angrier and angrier so intense. I took the pain cos I felt I deserved it. I did this to him. He have become a bad boy now. He has spoilt me with fancy dinners, popping crystal and Don Perion. Friends who knew us together are getting wind of me in town and tongues are wagging. Two days ago he sent me packing back to my hotel. T old me he was seeing other women and he didn't want conflict if they came in. I was hurt.I leave tomorrow. Still Feeling guilty for hurting him. We have had the talk but seems like neither wants to relocate so this may not work afterall. But I realize now I love him deeply. I don't know what to do. He doesn't love me anymore but still wants me in his life. I can't take this emotional rollercoaster. I don't know why he is nice to me and also s o cold and hurt. Could he be trying to hurt me to heal his wounds? Was I wrong for coming to see him after hurting him for so many years? Was I wrong for letting him have my body all willing nilly? How do I leave tomorrow not feeling like this? Help a sister.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (1 January 2014):
 You're assuming a responsibility here that is not yours. He isn't behaving this way because of something you did to him (or didn't do for him), but he's quite happy to let you think that.
You're attributing his behaviour to your actions instead of his character.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI could have been there for him emotionally. Answer his phone calls and at least let him know I still care even if we do not end up together. I brace myself now to say this man is damaged goods who is trying his darnest to feel good on my expense. I don't like how im feeling on this trip. Yes he is dining and wining but hes playing with my mind and I admit im foolish to let him think he can come back. This is the second scorpio boyfriend that tends to be wicked and retalite when hurt. Think I can say I should let this go for good with no contact. Emotionally he is draining me.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (30 December 2013):
OP, you're biting off way more than your portion here.
If this guy wanted a mature, sensitive girlfriend he should have sought someone his own age instead of zeroing in on a teenage girl. Given the significant age difference and his subsequent conduct I'd say it was him taking advantage of you.
So he wined and dined you. So what? That is all part of the con. He does that so you'll become indebted to him. It's no different from a dealer giving free heroine to a naïve, young woman who thinks she's his girlfriend. Once she becomes addicted, the dealer has her right where he wants her and his true intentions can be revealed.
He was a 40 year old man who got caught trying to sneak into another country using fake ID. He was a crook and he was caught. How did you let him down? What were you supposed to do about that? You were right to walk away and dumb to take him back (you weren't 18 then).
Of course he doesn't mind having you in his life. You come in handy sometimes. You offer the hope of a green card. You're good enough company to pass the time with until something better comes along and you're gullible enough to think you owe him.
OP, jettison the guilt. You were a naïve and foolish teenage girl and this guy a 32 year old man when you met. He got himself into legal troubles when he was 40 and you were 26. What could you have done for him that could not have done for himself?
What he is now is what he was all along. You just didn't see it.
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