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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex and i were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..no one cheated..i think we did really love each other..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what i would do differently and told him this. I told him i would rather be with him than some other guy. We went a year with no contact and i was strong but i decided to contact him because i knew i still loved him. We have been talking for months and from knowing him i know he isn't the type where he would jump back quickly into things. He is in his 30's and i am in my mid twenties.I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he is just trying to be this "nice guy" and doesn't want to say that he just doesn't want me. And he said that isn't exactly right b/c if it was about me then he would be seeing someone already or looking.We have been having decent conversations although its mostly me calling at this point and in terms of us seeing each other he said let him get his head together. So i figured I should give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe eventually he will come around. I am trying to date in the meantime.I was organizing some stuff and i came across a picture of me and him that he never saw. It is a picture of us on a boat that my friend took..the sun is in our eyes so we both look kinda funny but cute...there are alot more unfortunately but this one i thought was more casual and fun.I decided to text him the picture since it seemed like it could bring a laugh or smile once he saw the explanation in the text. We did speak earlier in the day around 7pm and he knew i was home going through some stuff because i wasn't feeling well and didn't have much else to do because of it. He was a little sick and also was picking up family earlier in the day. I put in the message i don't think u ever saw this before, just thought maybe u might like to see..kinda funny picture etc..I sent it after 10 or so when i figured his family was settled in..he didn't respond which was fine---i actually was going to be suprised if he did respond lol. I just thought of it as something nice to put out there--nothing we need to talk about it. Just a nice gesture and if he hates it he can delete it.Was this a horrible idea? We have been talking for awhile now and are on OK terms so I just figured maybe its something sweet to do and its not like we just started talking after the break up..its been awhile. I know its not going to change anything or convince him of anything..i really just saw it as a possible step in a positive direction. Now i am a little anxious that maybe i ruined how things are and he will avoid me now and not talk to me? Or maybe i am overreacting because its not like i sent him 20 photos or something. I just hope i didn't blow everything because of this photo i wanted to share with him. I don't want to make things awkward; i just thought it was nice to share with him.Was it the worst thing to do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 First,what is done is done, you sent the pic and now you can't unsend it, so it is pointless to obsess about it.
second, to be honest I don't feel that a pic would make a big difference either way in your situation. You contacted him first, he signified he was not ready to start over. You insisted and he said he needs time to put his head together. Personally I am skeptic about this kind of " it's not you it's me " lines, but suppose he is in good faith- by always letting you initiate contact he shows he is in no hurry.
If you feel nonetheless it's worth waiting for him ,then wait, but do not think that sending a pic is going to break it or make it.
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