A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I am dying of lonliness. It has been years since I have had a significant other. I meet men who are interested, but I am not. The last sexual encounter I had was a horrible one night stand because I was desperate to feel human (loved) again. Sex is part of what I miss, but more so having a partner. I have tried online dating, meeting people through friends meeting people through work. I have a social life, but there is no substitute for having a man. Help.
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female
reader, Izzy2  +, writes (7 October 2014):
Hang in there. Finding the right person does take a bit of time. I know it is hard when you really want a partner, but perhaps if you just concentrate on the other aspects of your life such as going out with friends, then when the time is right you will meet someone.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 October 2014):
IT sounds like you’re doing all the right things that I would normally recommend: on-line dating, having an active social life and so-on. You are left feeling bad because your patience isn’t paying off so far, and the advice to keep being patient probably doesn’t feel like a particularly comforting answer but it’s the best there is. I’d be interested to know more about why you lose interest in men you date, as you don’t expand on this in your post. I worry that as you grow tired of the single life you’re expecting too much too soon, quickly giving up when you can’t see the potential future partner you desperately seek immediately in the men you date. I wonder if you need to keep that in check a bit, clearly rejecting those you simply don’t feel any attraction to and have no common ground with, but giving others more of a chance? I’d seriously think about whether you’re giving up too soon and why. I also think you’ve probably closed down a bit and allow fear and mistrust to overcome you when interest is shown, which was possibly not helped by seeking temporary satisfaction in a one night stand. You’re clearly lacking in self-confidence. This is one of the main reasons I always tell people in situations like yours to focus on having friends and enjoying themselves, not because I believe that this is an adequate substitute to a partner for most people, but simply because it helps build up your confidence and, hopefully, have fun in the process. Think about how you want to change you, and make things better for yourself, and about your insecurities, anxieties and fears, whilst you await the right man for you. Don’t shut down or stop looking but don’t allow it to dominate your life.
I wish you all the very best.
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