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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a single mother who just got out of the relationship with my child's father in April. I dated around for a while and in May I found a man who is what I have been looking for in a guy. He loves me and we have both been hurt by our exes in the past by being cheated on. Everything was great the first few months of us dating but the last few months I have been having difficulty trusting him. I know in my heart he would never do cheat or think about it. I think it might be leftover feelings from my ex becasue he was cheating all the time. Do I have a trust issue with all guys now? Do you think I jumped into a relationship too soon? I want to be with him and I know I can trust him. It's like I do it without even knowing I'm blaming him and he is to the point where he can't take it anymore. How do I stop?
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female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (13 October 2006):
 hey,
It seems to me, that if you want to tackle an issue like this, the biggest, hardest hurdle is admiting to it and recognising it could be a problem.
So first hurdle - and you've tackled it head on!
I'm not convinved that the time from one relationship to another would have made a big difference when it comes to the trust issue that you're talking about. Trust is something HUGE and when someone breaks your trust, to offer it again is a real challenge, even though that person may deserve it more than anyone else.
Given that you two have been through the same thing, where you were both cheated on, it wouldn't surprise me if he was also struggling with this. The closer you get to someone, the more precious your trust becomes. Have you thought about discussing this with him?? It seems to me that if you can recognise the triggers to the way you are feeling, then you can work together to avoid the triggers.
For example, say one of the triggers is that he's come in late from work - look at a way to handle that. Could he agree a time to be home and call if he's not going to make it? Or could he text when he left work?
I honestly think that recognising these things in the way you feel is a massive step towards dealing with them successfully.
Good luck with it,
Anon2907
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