A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok so I have these strong feelings for my friend. Shes amazing and even though I'm only 15 I've never met anyone like her. The thing is she has a tangled relationship with someone she's not happy with but doesn't want to hurt. Well she feels the same way I do but all she does is run away from her feelings. I made the mistake for telling her it was hurting me always chasing after her. She said I should move on. I agreed but I didn't want to really. She felt the same way because she kept inviting me too places with other friends. I asked her friend what was up cause I thought she meant it. She found out and told me not to worry she would leave me alone even though it was going to be hard. I kept trying to talk to her so we could get on the same page about all this but all she says is that she cares too much about me to hurt me again. I am so confused with her mixed messages and I'm sure she cares but that can't be the real the real reason. What's more confusing is she's pushing me away but feels like I do. She admits she feels the same way. Why so many mixed messages and what do they mean?
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male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 It sounds like this girl is very sensitive to other people's feelings: she doesnt want to hurt either you, whom she cares for deeply, or her current boyfriend, whom she cant bring herself to leave and possibly hurt. I think perhaps the first step here would be to help her end it with this other boy. I'm not entirely sure how you would do this: perhaps msn or texting would be better. Or maybe she could get one of her friends to pass on the message: this may seem cowardly, but it is far, far easier than telling someone face to face you like someone else. You should find out how much he cares for her; this would make a break-up easier, as she would know whether she could just talk it all through with him, or take other steps to end the relationship.
You need to find out, though she says she has strong feelings for you (and I'm not saying she doesnt), if she would go out with you if she were single. She says she cares too much to hurt you again, and if she cares that much, she would say yes immediatly.
This will be an incredibly difficult thing, especially for her. If you can be there for her when she's having trouble like this, you're going to be fine.
Could you please contact me with the outcome of this event? I'd be interested to know how helpful I (or other members of this site) have been.
Hope this helps.
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