A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am in a pickle.My best guy friend is heads over heels for this girl. She is completly enamoured, and I have never seen her like this, so happy. She has even confessed to me that she has never loved someone so much before, and is scared of losing him. She is now 20 and has always locked herself away from boys so she wouldnt get hurt. they have been going out for 6 months.Yet, during christmas, I heard a story that he constantly cheated on her. I took the matter no further because I know sometimes rumours are malicious. However, last night, my Sister confessed to me (they are in the same class, and are good friends) that she has also heard that he cheats, and more horrible is that he cheated on my friend with my sister. Less than a month ago.Hence you can understand my dilemma. I understand that this is not my business, but I dont want to see her hurt, or find out I knew something and never told her. Yet, I don't want my sister to get into any trouble (she didn't know they were serious, and seemed to actually not know anything about it). What should I do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 He is your best guy friend? And it was with your sister? And she is a friend of yours as well? I say this is your business. Get involved. Don't tell the girl, but tell the guy that you know, and since she deserves better that that, he either tells her/breaks up with her, or you tell her.
If it was any other woman, and he cheated on her with anyone other than your own sister, then tell him you'd back out of it. But it's personal now as he's brought it into your family, and she is a friend of yours as well.
This is all about where your loyalty lies. If it lies with more people than just one, you need to get completely in (tell him he needs to break it off) or completely out (you'd be completely out if you didn't know anything at all). Now that you know, you're already in. And there is no way out. If you don't step further into this, this girl will hate you for it later since you knew about it, but didn't tell her. Your sister might also react to it.. I mean she did participate in the act, but she told you the truth for a reason: for you to act on it. If she didn't want you to act on it she wouldn't have told you.
Set your so called best friend straight. Be his friend, but tell him that since you also have loyalty towards this other girl, and your sister, you can't accept this. Either he tells her or breaks it off, or you will tell the girl the truth.
It might cost you the friendship with the guy (what best friend sleeps with his friends sister is a question in itself...). But if you don't say anything it could cost you the friendship with this other girl, and the close relationship you have with your own sister.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Wait a second, your first line makes no sense and it kind of matters too.
"My best guy friend is heads over heels for this girl"
Do you mean that the other way around? Because firstly if he was head over heels in love then he wouldn't be cheating on her. Second if he was your best guy friend then shagging your sister means a beating or in the least never talking to him again.
Assuming that sentence was accurate and what you meant, then the first thing I'd do beat his ass for getting with my sister (I do not condone nor advise you to break the law, so don't) then I'd call up his girlfriend and let her know why he got a beating.
Now if you're okay with your best friend boning your sister, then that changes things. If he's your best guy friend then you have to decide who's friendship is more important to you, his or hers. Because put simply, chances are you may lose her as a friend because you'd heard rumours a long time ago about it and kept your mouth shut.
Regardless of your reasons for not telling her back then in the heat of her devastation she may well resent you for not warning her before she got in too deep.
So the choice is easy really him or her. You choose him you'll keep your mouth shut. You choose her then you'll tell her. It's not what's right or wrong here OP, it's about loyalty. I have serial cheater friends and my loyalty is to them. I let the girls they cheat on sort out their own lives. Because frankly if you heard the rumours then her friends also heard them and probably would have told her.
No offence to your sister but she's full of shit. "(she didn't know they were serious, and seemed to actually not know anything about it)" Which one is it OP? Because if she didn't know they were serious that implies she did know they were together. For 5 months they've been going out and you expect me to believe that your sister had no idea about any of it? Yeah...sure. Look I understand your wish to protect your sister but she knew what she was doing, she probably knew this guys reputation before you even did. She's not an innocent in this she's just covering her own ass.
She doesn't need your protection OP and no one is going to be stupid enough to believe her crap about not knowing.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 June 2011):
 It's not your sister's fault, it's the guy's, if she didn't know about it. You'll have to remind the girl of that, as there is a good chance she'll decide it's your sister's fault, not his. I don't understand why, but a lot of people respond that way.
You were right not to act on rumor, though. Now that it's known for certain, things get tougher.
It's a personal risk to your friendships, so I won't presume to say you must do anything, but I think the moral thing to do here is to tell the girl about it. He is morally wrong, he is risking exposing her to STD's, and she is giving her heart to someone who won't treat it right.
Besides that, think how much rarer cheating would be if there were actual social consequences for it - lost friendships, disapproval, shunning, and so on. Every time one person ignores this kind of information because they don't want to deal with anyone's anger, one more cheater gets away with it. Decide what path you want to take.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Talk to the guy and let him know that you know. Ask why he did this. Give him a chance to tell her and if he doesn't only then can you tell her. This way he will come clean and if they do break up it won't be on your head. For all we know your sister could've been jealous and is lying about him cheating.So far you have made good choices and have been very smart espcially with the rumors. If they break up, its not your fault and make sure to be a very good friend to the girl and tell her she will find someone else.Good luck
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