A
female
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anonymous
writes:I need people to tell me if I'm being crazy and how to get over this!I have a wonderful boyfriend. He treats me fantastically, he's loyal and trustworthy, he'd never cheat and basically worships the ground I walk on.However, there is one thing that I am unhappy with and it is ruining what we have. I cannot get over the fact that he has slept with over 100 girls in the past, most of these were one night stands. I love him and enjoy making love to him but I can't help thinking he doesn't feel the same way about sex as I do. Can someone suddenly start making love to someone after all that time of sleeping around and disrespecting sex, women and themselves?Plus, I'm insecure and think that he enjoyed it with them so much more. He has an STD so we always have to use condoms. This makes me think he must have enjoyed it more with them because he didn't have to use anything.This is really getting to me and I've even been in counselling trying to sort out the way I feel about this. It's killing me, thinking about him and all those other girls. I'm sick of people telling me to 'move on' and 'it's in the past'. Should I lower my standards of what is acceptable for him or am I just being stupid here?I know this may sound stupid to some people, because he would never cheat and he wants to marry me etc but I can't get over it. Making love means a lot to me and I want to believe it does to him but do you believe people can just change? His last one night stand was a month before we got together, surely he's still the same guy, he just can't act the same because he has a girlfriend now? Please help.
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condom, has a girlfriend, insecure, one night stand, std Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2006): I, like the first poster, slept with every male friend i had and also cheated on every single boyfriend i had ever had until i met the man i am married to now. trust what he says and how he shows his love for you, because drastic changes are possible! he is with you now, and that is all that matters. otherwise, why would he just be with you if his past way of living was so great? you know what i mean? you should also have a serious talk with him about this - it will probably make you feel better. (and you know in your heart that none of those girls are even comparable to you in bed because he and they lacked something for each other - LOVE - which the both of you obviously have!) :)
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 Good that you are using condoms - there are super-sensitive ones out now which are supposed to increase the friction - therefore give a mind-blowing feeling! As for your guy - well can you explain to me if he is not enjoying what you have to offer, why then, is he marrying you?? I'll tell you why - YOU are the SPECIAL one - the one who makes him come alive! Girl, he wants to spend the rest of his LIFE with you. That must mean that, of all his 100 previous encounters, you are the BEST!! Good on you girl, he is sick of those empty liasons, he has sown his wild oats, learnt the lesson, and he wants a girl of substance - some quality in his life! YOU are that quality - keep reminding yourself of this, and look forward to the happy life you deserve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2006): honestly, over 100 girls?! that's kind of ridiculous. but yes, i do believe that it's possible for people to just change when the right person comes along. i was unfaithful and slept around when i was younger, but when i fell in love with the right person, all that stopped. you just have to make absolutely sure that he has stopped. because you don't want to be played.
that aside, faithful or not, you're the only one who can decide how many partners is too many for you. because i must admit, over 100 is quite a large sum. probably more than i'd be willing to tolerate. but if you can deal with it, then more power to you. that, and the fact that he has an STD you're dealing with. i just think you're the only one who can decide how many is too many, and if you truly do trust him.
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