A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I have a serious problem and I want to know honest opinions on what I should do. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 4 years now (I'm in my 20's) and I love and care for him very much (I don't believe I'm in love with him anymore for a number of reasons) he's such a sweet guy and he treats me right but I can't see us making serious commitments such as marriage, children, etc. Now, another part of me is infatuated with a guy I knew back in middle school and who I recently found online. We recently caught up with each other and he seems so interesting, we seem to have so much in common and I find him very attractive. I know he's attracted to me and I wanted us to keep in touch as friends but as soon as I told him I had a boyfriend, he's been keeping his distance. I understand this is probably his way of respecting my relationship (which makes my infatuation for him more intense). I know this isn't right but now I wish I never told him about my boyfriend. My friends are telling me I have this whole "grass is greener" complex because this isn't the first time I've felt this way about someone else while in a relationship. I think the worst part is, I barely know this guy and the person he is now yet in my mind I picture him to be this perfect person, using just what I know from his MySpace page!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): I have been through the same situation. Its tough so I can relate to you. I'm also in my 20's and I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Not to long ago I connected with a guy who went to my high school who I've always liked and I found the more I talked to him the more I wanted something to happen. We went to different colleges so our only communication was online and it just turned out to be a sticky situation that ended badly. He knew that I had feelings for him and I think at one point he liked me as well but as soon as he found out that my boyfriend and I were considering getting back together after a 6 month break up he stopped all communication. I think he is a respectful guy and he didn't want to step on my boyfriends toes. Its been a few years since I have talked to him but I still think about him from time to time. It's hard because sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we would have dated and my boyfriend and I broke up but it really is a gamble. I lost a lot of respect from friends over this situation because of the way I acted. A lot my friends thought I was keeping my boyfriend around as a "backup" and that was not true of course. Its just hard when you have been with someone so long and you have never really had another boyfriend. The best advice that I can give you having been in such a similar situation is to follow your heart. If you love your boyfriend try to talk to him and work things out. If you just can't get over this other guy then you need to first surround yourself with a lot of support. Having been in a long term relationship I lost touch with a lot of my friends because I was always spending time with my boyfriend. If we were to break up today....I would be lost because I have a few good friends but i don't see them on a regular basis. You need to make sure that if you decide to break up your friends and family are close by because its not going to be easy. Give yourself plenty of time to heel.....don't jump into another relationship fast.....trust me you'll regret it. Continue talking to this other guy but keep a little distance...don't come on too strong or you might scare him away. I don't know why but with guys they love the chase....so play the game to humor them. Whatever you do take your time. I still have not talked to the other guy to this day because of the way I handled the situation and I wish I could apologize but I think its too late. I am still currently with my boyfriend and I love him very much. He treats me so good and sometimes I hate myself for still thinking about this other guy who I don't even talk to anymore. I am sorry to hear that someone else is going through the same situation and I wish you the best of luck! I hope what I have shared with you will help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): In my opinion, you should stay with your bf. It is not easy to find someone that loves you so much and you don't really know the other guy. What if you find his true self isn't that great at all?
Besides, you are in relationship now. You should be faithful especially he treats you nicely. You said you no longer love him. Why? Try to solve it. I believe through spending times together, everything can be rebuilt. The relationship can be refreshed.
I been through this but I was on the other side. My gf left me for another guy. It is painful.
Whatever your decision is, think twice. Imagine you are the one left behind, how would you feel? Do you like that feeling and do you really wanted to give that feeling to someone that cares about you so much?
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