A
female
age
36-40,
*ancingRain
writes:I have a problem with my family accepting the fact that I am growing up and have a boyfriend.I am 20 years old and a rising sophomore in college who attends a good college in my neighborhood. My parents are having what seems like quite a difficult time accepting that I am 20 years old, am a young adult, and want to make my own choices in life. My parents are very controlling and still treat me as a child, and, until now, I never questioned their parenting and simply abided by their rules. Now that I am a young adult, however, I want to make my own choices. I have my head on my shoulders and a strong set of values, so my parents should not be concerned that I may make wrong decisions. It seems as if my parents want to continue their sheltering me for the rest of my life: they don't want me to hang out with my boyfriend when he comes to visit (and have said derogatory things about him without knowing him well, as well as telling me I am making a grave mistake by seeing him), they don't want me hanging out with my friends whom they do not know, they don't want me leaving my neighborhood to go downtown without their permission (they say I am still a child and need parents' approval of everything I do). The problem is, it is difficult for me to stand up for what I think because I fear my parents and their threats of taking me out of college and making me work for a while before I return so I "straighten out."I am 20 years old, though. I am a good daughter and never have done anything of questionable nature which would make them suspect something. However, they are controlling and want things to remain that way until, they say, I am 21. But how do I know they will keep their promise when that day arives? To me, it seems due time for me to emerge from under their wings. My boyfriend has told me that, if he were in my shoes, he would stand up to them. I want to ease the transition but still fear my parents' reactions. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dont_worry +, writes (11 August 2007):
 that situation has to stopbecause if not, they will continue controlling your life till the end of it.you are mature enough to take your own desicions.your parents are wrong but they cant see it, because they feel they are only protecting you.first of all you need to have a serious (calm) chat with them. they need to understand how you feel.respect their opinions but ask for respect too.tell them that the only thing they are getting with that attitude is to always have that inmature little girl by their side, instead of forming a mature adult.good luck3
A
male
reader, Peterk5699  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 It sounds like your parents are very over protective - my mum was thesame with me until a year or so ago and she now even doesn't mind that I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl in Cardiff, 5 hours away.
You said it was hard for you to stand up for yourself. I know how you feel.
I know this will be hard for you and may take some time but try telling youur parents that you are fully grown now and know how to look after yourself and that you have rights. These rights being allowed to go out of town (even state for a holiday) with your friends and that you are old enough to have a boyfriend. Try asking your mum how old she was when she had her first boyfriend and if she says an age younger than you ask why can't you have a bf then.
Also try telling your parents that you love your boyfriend very much and want to stay with him and nothing can stop that happening.
Sorry that was a bit long.
Hope this helped and good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I don't know this help or not but I had similar issues with my parents. My parents are not bad people but they are very protective of me in a bad way. After I left to college (I went to college several states away from home), they called me every night to make sure that I was home after 11:00PM. My parents wanted to make sure I was "safe". They also did not want me to date and they wanted to make sure I would not have sex. Eventually, I decided to tell my parents that they can either have relationship with me as an adult daughter or I would not spend time with them. They took really hard at first but they eventually realized that they couldn't treat me like a little girl. Now, I am 23 and I get along with my parents.
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