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I have a mole on my face that makes me shy

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Question - (25 June 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I need help bulding courage and faith in telling this girl how i feel? This may seems pretty stupid but I have a (black)mole on my face and it isn't really noticeable (2mm radius) that is the only thing I hate about myself. it seems that because of it I lose confident. Especially since I hear ppl say clean your face you marked your self and I feel embaressed when I haev to tell them it isnt a marker mark, it is a mole. Wat's worst is the hair actually grows out of it. I know it sounds disgusting. I shave it whenever t is noticeale.

Help.I know it is stupid. I need to know what I can do to bring faith, courage and confidence. If not I feel liek I am goin to be alone for the rest of my life. If there is a way to get rid of it without any marks. Please do tell.

View related questions: confidence, shy

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A female reader, gymnastgurl13 United States +, writes (22 March 2011):

I have the same issue!

I have a brown mole on my cheek that I NEVER show to anyone, except my family (some of them). I feel like if I show it to any of my friends, they will not wanna be friends with me. I have self confidence issue and I have a boyfriend that doesnt even know and I feel like if I tell him he wont like me ever again. I know that saying if he doesnt like u for who u are he isnt the right person but i dont know I need to get my self confidence up. My mole is like keeping me from showing my true self. I keep in hiden by my hair and my friends always ask me why I have my hair in my face all the time and i could never come up with a good excuse.. SO dont worry I know where ur coming from:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009):

about your mole...

i have one too. i feel insecure also. i was browsing the internet to find people who would make me feel better about having one. i have a big one. about one inch wide and one inch high on my right arm. right in the middle so it is absolutely noticable. i never wear t-shirts. only if im with my family. it's stupid. i wear long sleeves or sweatshirts in the summer, and at the pool i put a shirt over my bathing suit. i find this ridiculous, and i want help so badly. i know you've probably heard this a million times, but you shouldnt care what others think. every person has a flaw and ours just happens to be very noticable. don't worry i have a bigger mole on my arm. if you don't want to get it removed, then just be brave like me. yes i get embarrased when people look at it and smile and laugh. but i dont let it get to me. just believe your beautiful, and remember don't care what other people say about. it...i hope this helped

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A male reader, sowhat!! Paraguay +, writes (17 February 2009):

Dude, 2mm is not big at all, i have this brown, flat mole, that is a little bit smaller than a US quarter, i would love for it to be 2mm big, i also like a girl, and im also scared to tell her how i feel, and when people stare at it, it makes me feel really bad, at least im in high school, and mostly nobody makes fun of it, well not that i heard off, just dont pay attention to them, it will make you feel bad, but just move on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008):

Look, I know this question is kind of outdated and is dated back to 2007. But when I saw this, I just had to answer this.

Okay man, I feel you, I too have a mole on my face. Multiple ones infact. But I have a huge 5 - 6 mm in diameter, dark brown to black mole on my face. Compared to your 2mm one, it isnt all that big. The rest of my moles are tiny ones you would usually see on most everyone.

To be honest, from time to time, occasionally people may tease me about it, or make jokes to me about my mole. Sure it does affect me, and makes me really sad inside. Not to mention it feels as if it makes me unatractive (and I kinda of am because of it). I just try to ignore them as if nothing had happened. And to be honest, people do stare, but I'm sure some try not to, to be polite.

Unfortunately for me, it confuses me as to whether a girl is interested in me, or if she is just looking at my imperfection.

But other than tht I just try to live my life normally as anyone else would, I don't try to let it get in the way, though I don't want to flirt with girls because they may think I'm gross or a little weird looking.

But really, I have had girls in the past who have liked me, (AND thought I was cute)and believe some girls may like me now. I think they may be looking past my blemish and looking at the man behind it. They might have thought that I was goodlooking (except for the blemish). Unfortunately for them, I wasn't interested, and I had to turn them down (gently).

Point is, if you have moles on your face, SO WHAT? Don't let it get you down. I honestly dont think very many people have moles larger than mine. I have seen a few, but not very many. So really, your mole, dude, is just nothing. It's not that bad.

But if it really bothers you, you can simply get it removed by a dermatologist or plastic surgeon. It may cost some money though, and it helps if you have some insurance.

But I think you have it better off than me, though I act as if nothing is wrong with me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007):

When I was your age I had three moles in a circle on one of my cheeks, I had them removed by a plastic surgeon, it did leave a small line scar, but it faded in a rather short time, if you wear suncreen it will never darken....I think you ought to consider having it removed, it is a simple procedure and if you feel ugly with it then whether it is true or not it is psychologically damaging to you, so have it removed why don't you....don't go to a dermatologist, go to a good facial plastic surgeon and they will do a great job, tiny sutures, tiny scar....as for the girl, she will most likely be very flattered that you find her attractive, so go ahead and make a move to get to know her better, nothing ventured, nothing gained....you will learn soon enough that rejection is part of life, EVERYONE gets rejected at one time or another and it is EVERYONE'S number one fear, so remember that the next time you are afraid to speak to someone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007):

If you think of famous beauties, many of them have imperfections that sets them apart and paradoxically you may say, it's part of their personal charm! Julia Roberts' large mouth and other stars with assymetrical signs on their faces. Crawford has a mole too. A friend was very worried by the way because of a mole, larger than yours, and was very surprised her bf told her he likes it very much. Surely that mole doesn't define you and to some it can be very nice. It's possible to operate them, but unnecesary, I'd say. Can use a tweezers for the hair.

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A female reader, Veasse United Kingdom +, writes (25 June 2007):

Veasse agony auntHi sweetheart,

Dont feel down, I have a mole on my face to... it usually grows one big long hair that i have to pluck... in truth when people stare or comment i tell them its a beauty spot. Be proud of who you are!

I suffer low self esteem and i'm really over weight, i feel like if i lost weight i would find something else i hated about myself, the trick is to focus on the things you like not what you hate.

If you get it removed you may find something else you hate, having that beauty spot makes you who you are, its there to distinguish you from the crowd and it doesnt stop your beauty from shining through.

dont be so hard on yourself, come up with a mantra about the things you really like about yourself and focus on that... for example..

I have beautiful (colour) eyes, I am a beautiful person, I am fun to be around, I am a good friend.

You will find the way. I hope you feel better and less shy soon, just think of all those people wissing out on you friendship!

hugs

Veasse x

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A male reader, Helfer United Kingdom +, writes (25 June 2007):

Helfer agony auntI'm your age, and a few months ago, I wasn't particularly happy with my appearance.

I felt exactly the same way, like I was gonna be alone forever.

If this girl is right for you, then I wouldn't worry about it.

I don't know what situation you are in, whether you have known her for long/good mates etc, but if she feels the same way, a little mole's not gonna make any difference right?

:)

I know it's probably hard, but don't worry about it, I have moles on my face, but they never get in the way of anything important.

But if you REALLY have to get rid of it, I agree with Myesha.

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A female reader, gorgeousgirl United States +, writes (25 June 2007):

gorgeousgirl agony auntI believe u should love urself no matter what....

Ur beautiful from the inside as the outside okk!

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A female reader, myp United States +, writes (25 June 2007):

myp agony auntIf you MUST get rid of it go to a dermatologist and they can take it off. Either way you have to learn to love yourself, if you dont then even if you do get it taken off youll have self-esteem issues.

-Myesha

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