A
male
age
51-59,
*pidy
writes:I have a lovely family and I love them very much. However, I don't get turn on by my wife. We made love only once a while and I know this is not pleasing her. The worse is, I have a high sex drive and I always think of having sex with other women. But so far I have not do anything wrong.....well at least for the last year. Help.......
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (14 September 2007):
You have a common wrong headed way of thinking. Some men can't see the mother of their children in a sexual way. This leads to straying and necglect of the wifes needs. It's O.K. to have fantascies during sex and think of the wife as that hot girl you originally couldn't wait to have.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I don't think it's realistic that him putting more time into his wife is going to magically make him less attracted to other women. He's not attracted to his wife. If you're not attracted to someone b/c time has made you loose interest in them, I honestly don't see getting it back. The only way that would work is if he used to not be attracted to her, and by spending time with her and getting to love her as a person, then found her attractive. This has happened to me with all of my boyfriends where I was not initially attracted to them. But he at one time found her attractive I assume, and time has made that interest fade. I really can't see it working out unless she totally changes herself into a new woman b/c that is what he wants, a new more exciting woman.
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (12 September 2007):
 You allow your mind to wonder about other women. This is your issue. You have to stay faithful in your mind and in your relationship. If you look at any porn or have magazines like that TRASH THEM IMMEDIATELY. You are robbing your wife of the sex she should have with you. Talk to your wife about this problem too. Include her in helping you. You should totally be into her not lusting after other women or imagining doing things with them. You are just thoughts away from actually committing adultery!! Spend more time with your wife and rediscover her body and her thoughts. Schedule times to be together and to be intimate. You have got to do everything possible to refocus your mind back onto your wife and not images of other women who really wouldnt give a rip about you anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Why dont ye role play? or use sex toys, you can imagine this is another man with your wife.
Buy some clothes that you seen another woman wear that turned you on. ( you dont have to tell her).
My husband has a high sex drive too, and our sex went off the boil as he used porn and had cheated. But we did role paly, and also talked about our fantasies and who turned us on, and we cant get enough of each other now.
He hasnt cheated since. But even if you thought of having sex with her sister dont say that, describe her and say you saw this woman in a town you drove threw, even though you know in your head its her sister.
And if she goes with it, and ye are comfortable ye can then mention people close to ye that ye both fancy and think about.
Divorce would be the last option. as you would probably have the same problem with some one new, its just learning to communicate with each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): No no no. Your wife will not appreciate it, much less get in the mood if you put on a porno tape! That has got to be the worse advice I have ever heard. There's nothing you can do if you're not attracted to her, then you're not. Unless she completely changes to please you, you won't be attracted to her. You may just like new women b/c your same old wife is boring. You know how many people have this problem in their relationships? A lot. I can't tell you what to do, I know a lot of people think about others while in bed with their partner & women are not excluded from doing this. So all you can do in my opinion is get a divorce, or have sex when she wants to but think of other women to get aroused. Just don't let her know about the other women in your head. I don't think cheating is the way to go. If you're ready to resort to that again, get a divorce.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): it seems like you dont spend romantic times together with your wife. the advice i can give to you is, go on a romantic weekend. just the 2 of you. buy her some flowers or chocolats and make her feel really special.during the night in the hotel or whatever, put some music on to get you and her in the mood. if this dont work, try putting on a sex dvd ( ull b surprised on how many guys feel like it then!)remember, your wife is the only women who will give you the best sex of your life. so take her out on a weekend away.that should get things moving!
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