A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a pretty big problem with intimacy. I'm 24 and have been in 2 relationships - one lasting almost a year and the other 2 whole years. The problem was that during all of that time I felt uncomfortable behaving affectionately towards my girfriend. I was too nervous to kiss the first girl until 6 mths had passed! I even got embarassed when people say us holding hands or flirting. In the end, this led to the break-up of both of these relationships. Now I'm having trouble even asking girls I fancy out because I can't bear the thought of them knowing I fancy them. I guess it makes me feel weak somehow. The funny thing is I want to be romantic and tender but find it so difficult. What should I do? And, more importantly, why am I like this?
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male
reader, Guitarist  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 well you can always try a dating site. shouldn't feel embarrassed about asking them out then. only problem with that is you wont learn to face you fears so to speak. but it helped me. i'm a much more confident person now.
about being affectionate.... you need to block out other people when they're around. only you can do that.
about being affectionate in general... when you're with a partner, tell them about it. hopefully they'll make all the first moves etc if of course thats what you're uncomfortable with?
YOU need to face your fears and enjoy the affection cause thats the whole point isn't it?
if you really feel you cant do it on your own, maybe you should see someone about it, like a professional.
hope i helped. if not then i apologise.
hope you get it sorted. take care.
A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 are you afraid of intimacy bc your self concious?i think in order to be intimate you have to comfortable w/yourself first. as for not wanting a girl to know you dont fancy her, girls lile to be liked and noticed. start off small, if you see a girl at a bar and you can tell that she took a good amount of time tell her she looks nice, dont be afaird to let yourself loose. just be calm and take it slow.
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