A
female
age
30-35,
*oplessly Confused!!
writes:Ok, here go's nothing...Well ive been going out with my boyfriend for about 4 weeks and he has already told me that he loves me...which is fine i think its really sweet and he knows that i dont feel the same way yet.Heres the problem when we started going out i sort of started meeting his friends and ive been talking to one of them alot lately, we also like to hang out at school, and iv got a crush on him, the problem is that this might be a passing crush! and i dont want to loose my bf! i care about him... i also care about this other boy, we are good friends but i dont know if he likes me back!!I dont want to lead my bf on if im serious about another person. So basically i want to know...what do i do!!Signed Hopelessly Confused!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): Well, dear...you know that you can't have both of these fellows. So what to do? You choose, wisely. I get the feeling you want to date this other fellow. No matter what you decide, you will lose one of them. That is a given. All it sounds like to me, is you want to date different people. You want to explore and experience different options. There is absolutley nothing wrong with that...that is the fun of being your age.
So I suggest you: Get out there and date. Have fun and enjoy being a happy,youthful adolescent female.. Dating can help to build self-esteem, it can help you figure out who you are and can teach social skills. I view dating as a form of shopping around, especially at your age. It's does not necessarily become 'exclusivity'. I strongly encourage sexual abstinence, a sad fact of nature is that sexual intimacy creates emotional intimacy: even if the parties to the relationship say "it’s just for fun." In reality, it isn’t. Each romantic relationship takes something from a person’s heart, and each relationship broken, leaves a scar. Teen boys do get hurt, but this seems more predominant with teen girls. So I suggest you enjoy the company of interested boys , but always stay real and honest. Understand any type of healthy relationship, including friendships, are based on trust, respect and caring not to cause pain to others. Being able to identify and be in healthy dating relationships is a very important skill for young people, like yourselves to learn.
And remember even if you aren'tdating, friendships are important. Being too wrapped up in the dating scene can prevent a person from developing real friendships, which will be with her for life. Additionally, getting caught up in the dating scene displaces more important things.. A young person like yourself, who is much too preoccupied with one romantic relationship after another is going to miss out on a lot of the education, as well as on the maturity that comes from intellectual effort. Date and have fun, just remember, you have a future ahead of you. Keep at your studies and be strong and make good choices for what's best for you. Good luck, have fun and do what makes you happy. Just take care, to handle other people's hearts with care and respect.
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