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female
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anonymous
writes: I dont know what to do,I found these sites:local gay personals in my city, meeting men who crossdress, ladies underwear, feminizing men on my computer . I went and questioned him he said it was either his friends or sites that just pop up when a key word is typed that it doesn't mean that is a specific search. How do you know if your husband is gay,or is experienment being gay? I feel very hurt and much rejected- I cant talk to him, now not even being sexual with him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): that is a sad story he might have been faking being straight or he might be experimenting i do not know but if he is a good husband he will likely stay with you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): Relax. The assumption you're making is an interest in cross-dressing means your husband's gay. Probably he's not. More than likely he gets pleasure out of wearing women's clothes, a very different thing. Does this reflect on you? No. It probably means he finds COMFORT in wearing women's clothes. Is that wrong/abnormal? No, it's very common. What's it mean? Probably, in early childhood, your husband was maternally deprived, ie not loved by his mother/other women enough. Lacking their touch, their clothes become the next best thing. I know because that's my story and I am heterosexual, have six children, and have worn women's clothes, privately, all my adult life. What does your husband need? YOU. You to get him to be open about this, to talk about it, to see that he expresses what may be very difficult feelings. He has a need you need to understand. It's no different than any other need that's suppressed and ridiculed by others - as being gay used to be. Your next step. Learn as much as you can about cross-dressing, come to terms with it, separate it in your mind from being gay etc, and get to believe that your husband NEEDS you in this. Then talk to him with love and you will turn a negative secret into a positive virtue. Help him, understand him, love him. That's what marriage is about. Me? My women all know my liking for women's clothes, some are more positive than others. I'm comfortable with myself and the only people I keep it from are my children (the younger ones) because of the problem of role definition. So I'm discreet for their sakes. Finally... I personally think it's a real loss to society that men are 'not allowed' to wear skirts etc and express their natural feminity that way in public. It'll come one day I hope...
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 I remember in Ann Landers, there are support groups for straight spouces of gay partners. Check your local area, in the same places you would find Alcoholoics Annoymous. They are trained to deal with this sort of thing.
Also, a visit to a sexologist might give you insights too.
-Frank B Kermit
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