A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i really dont know what to do..i suppose you could call me a total bitch an slut for what i'm doing, and i am actually starting to feel like one...but im worried.I've been seeing a guy who already has a girlfriend. I have done for 3 months now, but i only found out he had a girlfriend under a month ago.i know that what i'm doing is wrong, but it's turned into more then just a little fun and a change for him and me. I think i might be falling in love with him. We exchnaged xmas presents this year, which added to the feeling that we were together and their wasnt another girl. but there is.I dont know her, but i dnt want to be the person to break up their 2 yr relationship. and i've been in her situation, and i dnt want her to feel that hurt. it really isnt fair.but i care for him so so much, and i just cant literally let go...i kinda need him now, we did temporarily split up, but after 2 days i heard from him saying he missed me, like i did him.i really dont know what i should do.maybe some1 can help, or tell me what you think he might be feeling right now?i dont want to be in this situation for ever.thankyou
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female
reader, red1982 +, writes (27 December 2007):
You can't call yourself those names. You're not a bitch or a slut, but you are very confused. I hate the way us women always blame ourselves - or each other for thing like this when HE is the one in the wrong. He has lied to both of you.My advice to you is to break up with him and run like hell!!If he's cheating on his girlfriend of 2 years with you then he is obviously not a trustworthy person. And who's to say that you are the first one he has cheated with. Even if he did choose you over his long term girlfriend, could you honestly trust him? I know that I would be worried all the time about what he is getting up to when I'm not around. Also, have you been using protection during sex? If you haven't then I would suggest getting a check up as I doubt if he is still using condoms with his girlfriend. I really hope that you can find the courage to break it off with him before you get any more emotionally involved and end up heartbroken. Take care of yourselfxxxx
A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Hello,
What a difficult situation, and I totally understand your worry and concern and its actually nice of you to worry about your boyfriends other partner.
What you need to do firstly is sit down and talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, and explain how you feel about him and ask how he feels about you (Christmas is indeed very magical when you're a couple). You obviously really want to stay with him in the long-term, but also don't want to get in the way of his other long-term relationship of 2 years - this where you need to consult your personal morals, and so does he.
You've got to ask each other, can you live without him - and who can he not live without? Unfortunately he may feel more emotionally attached to his other partner than he does you, and then it could all end in tears on your part - and thorough disapointment on his.
I think its time to come clean if he wants to continue in the relationship with you, as its definately not fair on the other girl - you must ask him who he values most, and tell him now feel uncomfortable that he is with someone else as your feelings for him have grown.
Although you do have to consider he has effectively been cheating on you, by being with another partner without you knowing - and more than likely having sex with that other partner too which must make you feel quite insecure? You obviously love him enough not to be totally upset and angry at him that he has been with another girl with the past 2 years.
Its time to sit down and talk with each other, and discuss what truely is important - and remember, there are plenty of other people out there for you even if he does choose his other partner of you. He may find the situation extremely uncomfortable and hard to come by, so keep the convisation calm and collective - talk to him properly with sensitivity.
Ryan
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