I find myself questioning every every I made in my marriage

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ive been cheating on my husband for over 4months, Im 19 and we got married 5months ago. We were together for a year and a half before we tied the nott and everything was great, we never fought nor had any problems what so ever. I met this other man about a month after i got married an instantly had more feelings for him then i ever had for my husband, we started texting etc, and he's a cop so'd i see him everytime id leave the house and we'd meet up, i didnt sleep with him for about a month, after we started sleeping together ofcourse my feelings started growing stronger.Now i find myself questioning every choice i made with my marriage, regreting and hating the fact that i have to be with someone i dont wanna be with, i feel no remorse and no regret for cheating on my husband. I feel like i love my husband, but not so much IN love with him. But at the same time i dont wanna leave my husband because i dont think anyone could treat me better, hes loves me more then life itself and would never do anything to hurt me, i dont think the other guy could ever love me as much as my husband does. I dont wanna get a dirvorce and then relize how much i actually love him i wanna be with him! but at the same time i dont think i would feel that way, i cant stand being around him, everything about him makes me wanna scream, and he hasnt done anything but love me, ofcourse we have our arguements, but nothing that we would dirvorce over. ive slowed things down with the other man, we'll no longer having sex, just talking. He never leaves my mind, i think about all day, hes the first thing that pops in my mind when i wake up and the last thing i think about. Im barely ever home, i stay with my best friend most of the time and i see this other man like once a week, but we talk everyday. I dont really no what to do, i dont wanna give up this other guy, but i know id have to if i wanna make my marriage work,but i dont want it to work, at times i find myself wanting to be caught just so he'll have a reason to dirvorce me, but at the same time, i wonder if thats what i really want.

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