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I finally broke off an 12 year affair and I am a mess

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 April 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 7 April 2011)
A female Greece age 51-59, anonymous writes:

i did it ...i sent him an email today to end up all that mess ...i was in and out in a relationship - affair whatever you call it with a married guy for over than 12 years ...i am trying really hard to deal with it ...its painfull !!! physically and emotionally ...the phychosomatic symptoms ...he works abroad i am in Europe ...his wife lives abroad as well not with him....help me not to return to him again its an emotional manupulation by his side ..knowing that i love him dearly ...pls advise

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to anonymous ...who has been in to the same torture ..really i do apreciate ..your support ..at least i am not all alone.....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011):

I have jsut done the same thing myself this week and was seeing someone for more than 12 years (who was married)

it is hard but I thougfht of all the wasted years I had-we ahd soem good times but at christmas etc I was alone whislt he was with hsi family. In the end you realise you want to share christmas with someone as well.

I am sure it will get easier I have only done it this week and I was "with him" abaout 19 years!!!!!

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A female reader, TEM United States +, writes (7 April 2011):

TEM agony auntAfter twelve years it would be difficult. You can do it, but it will take extraordinary effort. You must cut off all modes of communication - email, phone, text, etc. There will be a great void in your life and you will feel lost.

Going cold turkey on something like this is very much like going through drug withdrawal. I am not surprised you have psychosomatic symptoms. It's those symptoms that will cause you to reach out to him and break the no contact. If you do, it will just set the healing process back.

It may take you a while to actually break the whole thing off. Many people go in cycles until the pain of being in the relationship far exceeds the pleasure they get from it. What I mean by cycles is this: when you're in contact it's wonderful but the pain you feel of being a mistress start to build up, so you cut contact and that pain goes away, but then longing and panic at the thought of not having him in your life drives you to contact him again, and the cycle starts over.

There are some online support groups/forums you can join that might help you through something like this. There are lots of women that have been "the other woman" and they are kind and understanding. You will need all the support to can get, so as to avoid contacting him and starting the cycle back up again. It really is like quitting a drug.

Best of luck.

TEM

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