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female
age
30-35,
*orgetmenot
writes: Just read a "question" on her about some girl and her sugar daddy that repulsed me. Anyway it made me want to seek advice about my situation regarding the politics of money and dating.I'm 18 and dating a 25 year old. We've only just started seeing each other so this might resolve itself but I guess I just want some opinions on this. He pays for everything, on every date. Everything. Food, drinks, entertainment, transport. I offer to pay most of the time or to go dutch but he insists on paying for everything. In a way it's sweet and I think it's just the way he was brought up and he's being a gentleman but I'm a little uncomfortable with it. I don't really know how to behave about it. Will I be annoying him by asking if I can pay every single time? Would it be rude to only ask sometimes because I don't want there to be a scuffle every time a bill arrives?I've tried asking him in advance, like away from waiters, bartenders, vendors and taxi drivers but he tends to just say "maybe" or "we'll see" with his oh so gorgeous smile but then just declines my offer to pay next time. I really really like this guy and it's not a huge issue. It's just slightly uncomfortable. He does earn a whole lot more than me and if we went dutch on every date, I really couldn't afford to go out with him as often so I don't want a big switch in paying or anything. I dunno why it's even bothering me... I guess it's just cos I feel like we both enjoy the time we spend together so he shouldn't have to be paying for it all. Am I being silly? Opinions would be appreciated
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female
reader, forgetmenot +, writes (21 December 2006):
forgetmenot is verified as being by the original poster of the question okay cool :) Insisting doesn't always seem to work though lol I think maybe I'll ease into it by buying drinks and the like and buy tickets for something that I know he'll enjoy some evening we plan on going out together soon. Thank you both for the advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I had the same problem a couple of years ago, I was a student and he was in very well paid job. At first i thought it was fun that he would take me to these very expensive restaurants, and everyone said to enjoy it, but then it started bothering me. The thing was that there were times were I couldn't even afford going dutch and it did made me feel bad about my role in the relationship.My new politics is to only let the guy take me to places I can afford and then return the favour in the next date or insist on buying the drinks after dinner. Most guys are happy with that!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): i was in the exact same situation im 19 and my boyfriend is 23 he makes a ton more money than i do and he always paid for everything...it bugged me alot cuz i didnt want him to always feel like he had to...it was just the way he was raised to be around girls. you just have to tell him upfront that he doesnt have to pay for everything and that youd like to too. my boyfriend knows how i feel about him paying...when i got to the point that it bothered me i just told him to put his wallet away and i got it for a change it kinda shocked him but believe me they wont mind...
just be honest with him and all will be fine (sometimes now he'll ask me if hes allowed to pay)
best wishes.
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