A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in agony. My mind is spinning. I find myself torn as well. However, I have a forth wheel, a dance addiction. I have fallen for my dance partner. I know it sounds so tadry. History- - I have been in a great relationship for 5 years. He was perfect in everyway. The only fault he had was leaving the toilette seat up twice in five years. We also danced (salsa and west coast swing. We dance wonderful together, like we just fit. He bought lessons for us, we went to salsa congresses, traveled to Costa Rica and danced on the beach. However, I always wanted to compete and take it to another level and he just wanted to dance with me. I found a dance partner and we dance increaseingly. Practices were great and I began to feel a strong connection. My previous BF began to fade farther and farther into the background. I am sad as I write this. I ended up moving out of his home, leaving our dog with him (because he is such a good father). I found a great place and continued danceing. I also began a relationship with my dance partner. The intimacy was great, my partner was caring, kind, patient, and hardworking. I was captivated by his talent and melted with he played the piano and guitar. I could see a future with us and dancing. However, as time passed and after I told my previous partner about us I went crazy. I am now crazy. I cry all the time, I have moments when I can't function, I am greiving, and can't make decisions. I have quite the dance relationship/partnership 2 times now and then told my previous BF. Each time I have gone back to danceing. My dance partner is not my previous BF and I have tried to make him that way. I feel that I never gave my dance partner a chance. I miss my previous reltionship, the security and love although we were not very passionate. However, I know that my previous BF wants time off, we still talk but what will happen? If I choose dance and the dance partner that I feel a strong connection for and who I know feels the same will I end up miserable and unable to get over my previous BF? Help. I think I am going to get on anti anxiety medication. Last night I woke up at 3 am in a panic, my heart pounding and unable to sleep. I am scared all of the time and can't seem to make the most normal of decisions. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Who knows what will happen. You left him for another person. I'm sure while he's taking a break, there are quite a few things going through his mind, and not just leaving the toilet seat up. That's what happens when you have something so wonderful, and think you can have something more wonderful by leaving with someone else.
We have all made decisions that have bit us in the rear. That's part of learning. Even if your ex doesn't go back with you, you still learned from your decisions. It's not that you'll always make bad decisions. When you do, just work on not repeating the bad decision again.
The problem is, if you want to dance and do activities, you have to keep your emotions separate from the people you interact with. People find some attraction for approximately 1 out of every 5 people. If you can't separate yourself from feeling connected to others, you're going to have one heck of a life, and one that will continue getting confusing.
It's true, you may never get over him. Everyone who crosses out path creates an experience. That experience comes with us everywhere we go. We have to remember that experience is a great memory and now it's time to create a new experience. The problem comes when you bounce from experience to experience and not really appreciating the current experience.
I really don't think it was just the toilet seat if you decided to upgrade.
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