A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I keep feeling sad and upset over my past. It feels like a ton have bricks has landed on me and i'm being confronted with it and trying to come to terms with it everything. People have always branded me thick and stupid, throughout my life. It started when i was 3 and my dad would call me names and make jokes about me, wich would hurt and upset me. I got bullied at school and felt picked on in jobs. People have always labelled me stupid and thick aswell as being nasty in general. They will have a laught with me but then, the joke is always on me, and they will make belittleing comments to me as a joke.All i have ever done is be nice to people but i feel unworthy and unimportant, like i don't really matter to people. I did my daughter a birthday party and invited friends and their children. No one came and some people didn't even have the decency to ring/txt to say they couldn't come, even though they said they would like to come when i invited them. I did spend a'lot on food because i thought my friends and their children were coming.When i'm upset or something bad happens, my moms way of supporting me is by offering constructive feed back. Like when no one came to the my daughter birthday she said, it could be calmer because i use to be ureliable as a kid, so it could be happening to me so i know how it feels. I always seem to get this kind of response when bad things happen to me. If the same thing would have happened to my sister with the party, she would have said that it was a shame because of how much effort she had gone to. I know this for sure. My sister was talking about a childhood memory and my mom said, oh you do have a good memory but when i have mentioned stuff in conversation, my mom wouldn't say anything or would say something constructive rather than saying something positive back. I've noticed this kind of things, varies times with different things. I just feel like some people see me as a joke. I'm upset and feel hurt that I've let myself be walked. I'm trying to get my head round everything.Any advice would be much appreciated
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 April 2011):
You remind me of my own mother to an extent. She had dreadful parents (so much so she cut contact), and was mentally abused by them. In turn, she started to think she was stupid and it has stuck with her.
Your perception of yourself is now the cause of some of your problems. You see yourself as unworthy, so you try to compensate for that by making a huge effort. In doing so, you open yourself up for attack, because people always hurt others who try hard.
Also, if you're used to being hurt by people, you may well be surrounding yourself with abusers because that's all you know.
I think you could do with some counselling, because this might cause you to slip into depression, something which you don't want. A counsellor will help you get a lot of your feelings out, and also help you cope with shit people in life (of which there are many),
Another important thing is that you sit down and think carefully about who your friends are. To be honest, you seem to have surrounded yourself with crappy people, and maybe you need to clean all the rubbish friends out and try to make a few new ones elsewhere who make you feel good.
First though, start with counselling. It will help you.
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