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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I'm not sure what I am asking here but here goes..I am an only child. I was born to parents who were in thier 40's when they had me so I didn't really get much of the usual upbringing. BEfore my parents had me , they moved from their country of origin to England (where I was born) so I didn't have any cousins to play with or any family members to talk to. As I grew up , I excelled academically, but I was always a wallflower. I have neer had more than three friends in my life and I met them in high school. In uni, I made two more friends but I didn't really fit in much. I tried to get a boyfriend but always felt off , never really had much to say to them and soon they lost interest. I met a man almost 15 years older than me on line when I was 19. I am currently with him (I am now 25 he is 40). I feel like an outsider in the relationship. He has a son that I haven't ever met, I sit with his elderly mother sometimes but I don't really enjoy it. I have always felt like an outsider looking in. Its like everyone has friends and family and I'm watching all this through a fogged up, sound proof window. Most days I sit in my room, watch tv shows and go online. My life just seems to be...very dull. I'm not sure what to do.
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female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (20 April 2010):
I agree with PuzzleSolver (well put by the way)I think that there are a few things you can do for yourself1) Join some clubs - I would say of things you enjoy, but you don't seem to know yourself very well so go ahead and take some classes, join some groups, clubs whatever. Sports (running/walking, hockey, netball, bowling etc etc.), public speaking, discussion forums, art classes, art club, bird watchers club, hiking etc etc. Have a look around - see what you can try. Even if you don't think you'll enjoy it - try it and give it a fair chance. You never know who you might meet or where it might take you. 2) Take opportunities presented to you, even if they're not obvious things - you never know who you'll meet or what you'll accomplish or what you'll learn about yourself. At very worst, you'll learn what you don't like.3) Even if you don't so it in a club, try and get exercise every day - it sounds stupid, but it can make you feel great about yourself.4) Everyone always say "be yourself" but it seems like you don't know who you are, so try being someone different. Go out for a night on the town and try wearing an outfit you'd never wear, go somewhere you'd never normally go, try a new route to uni, speak to someone completely random, act more confident than you feel, act more crazy than you feel, act more artistic than you feel. Just try stuff :)5) Try an arrange to travel by yourself or with a group of people you've never met before. Last year I went travelled with a group of students I'd never met before and I learnt more about myself than I could ever imagine. And I changed a whole lot. I used to be a little bit of a bad-tempered cow, but now I'm making an effort to control my temper - just from that trip.6) Remember that you weren't born to fit in, people who we consider successful stand out. So stand out and be proud of it. Try to see what makes each individual stand out and say thats why they feel like they fit in.You can probably gather that I think you don't really know yourself, which is why you feel like an outsider. Get out there and find yourself (corny I know) and once you know yourself you can get to know others better. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): If you're in a relationship you feel unhappy and lost in, you'll feel like less of an outsider and more fulfilled in life, not being in it. You'll also have more opportunities to explore friendships and relationships you always wished for with people closer to your own age when you're not around someone that much older than yourself. This will help you feel more youthful, and be alot happier than you would be when you feel forced into sitting with his mother and not knowing his son. Normally I would say not to chase after something that you missed out on in the past and ruin the present in doing so, but if the present doesn't suffice, get out of the dead end you feel you're in and give more to yourself than just what you feel you need. Fulfill your wants, too.
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