A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend and his "first". (We're in our twenties but he's several years older.)He told me he loves me and I told him he doesn't.We all think we love our first serious partners but then we later realize that it was just infatuation. I don't want to love someone who doesn't really love me.He's moving away in a year. Who knows if we'd last that long, but I can see it happening. He's been here a few years but only has one plate and one glass and keeps everything he owns "back home". When he finishes school, he'll go back to his "real life", which I guess I'm not a part of. He's part of my real life, though. I feel temporary and like a placeholder.At this point in my life I want something real. It feels to me like we're just playing "couple" sometimes. But is this something I should just ignore?Has anyone been in a situation like this, where they were someone's first, or where the situation itself was temporary? If you have, could you tell me a bit about it?Even if you haven't been in this situation, I'd really appreciate it if you could give me your thoughts- should I keep my distance? Do you think I'll get hurt if I don't? How would you feel if you were in a relationship like this? I don't know if I'm being silly about this or not. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I have not been in a situation like yours; however I am going to give you my honest opinion and suggestions with the information available.
I don't think you are silly about it; I think you are being cautious; I think you are scared of getting hurt; which given the circumstances as explained by you; I can understand your fear;
However, do you love him? If you do; I suggest you enjoy the relationship; don't keep a distance but try and stay open minded; talk to him, explain to him how you feel and about your worries; ask him how things will be when he is leaving; COMMUNICATION is vital;
I think you should take the chance and the risk of giving this relationship a fair chance; if you don't; you might regret it for the rest of your life; you will always wonder: "what if"; in 30 years you will still wonder and have no closure; unless you give it a try.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
ps. My apologies, I have only noticed now that you have placed the question some time back; I don't know why it have not been answered, but hope that my late answer could still be of assistance.
Best wishes
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