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female
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anonymous
writes:A major problem I had with my last bf was that when ever he was upset he wouldnt want to be around me or anyone. He would just want to be alone. I always took this really personally. And if he was around you when he wasnt happy, he would be really nasty. My new bf isnt as bad, he can can control his anger and so on. But when he's upset, he doesnt like to be around people, either. I find this hard to get my head around because I myself, when upset love to be around people. I want to be comforted and I hate being alone when upset. What do I do when my bf is upset or isn't in a good mood and wants to be alone? I feel like a reject everytime he's not in a good mood cause he doesnt want to be near me. Why do males seem to want ot be alone when they arent happy? Why wont they let me be around them to help them feel better? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Men are from another planet at time. It is up to you if you want to put up with this behavour. Do not settle for someone who is moody and miserable and pushes you away just because they feel like it. Give yourself a time period, say three months, see how things go in that time. If the moods get worse and you feel totally rejected then review the situation and move on. Life is much too short.
take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Some men like to resolve their own problems. Sharing shortcomings is not their thing because they prize their own resourcefulness. Sometimes they will ask for help and it is enough to offer. They may want to tell you about it afterwards or not at all. I never push to disect problems and my partner will talk to me about quite deep emotional issues so long as I try to be practical and supportive, not too emotive. Have you noticed how we women often talk to our friends about issues, then think, then make up our mind? Men like to be much more simple, sure of themselves and not spread what to them seems like weakness to friends. I think this can be a good thing. In the past I have slagged off a boyfriend to friends, decided to finish with him, something has happened to make me change my mind, I don't finish with him, my friends don't speak to me. Do you see what I mean? Sometimes it helps not to share because it gives greater freedom to behave in a flexible way without other people putting pressure on you. Perhaps you put pressure on people which makes it look like you are putting your needs to communicate on top of him when he just needs space to think.My man has a shed he goes into where he mends motorbikes when he is in a bad mood. I am trying to think of an occasion to show you when you would probably want to resolve your own issue. Let's say you had a period and leaked over your clothes. I know it is personal and please excuse the example. You would probably want to run off to the loo, try to clean it up, go home with a jumper tied around your waist and change your clothes. You sure would not probably want to share it. Some things, especially emotional things, men like to keep to themselves because they are private. He has a different criteria for what is private to him and you must respect it. If your boyfriend followed you to the loo, pinned the door open and cried "You poor thing, blood all over your clothes, dooooo let me help you!!!!!" You would cringe. Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - it explains it all.
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Sometimes men feel it is a weakness if they are upset so they chose to be on their own so they can deal with it, and i think all of us need time out on our own sometimes, so i would not take it too personally to be honest.
If he wants to be on his own sometimes just leave him on his own and just let him know if he wants to talk he knows where you are.
Take care.xx.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): If you boyfriends wishes are to be alone when he is upset then you must respect this.
People deal with things in different ways, all you can do is offer to stay with him, ask if you can do anything to help and if the answer is no go away, then do it. I promise you this request is not personnal to you, its just a way of dealing with a situation when perhaps he is unsure of how he will react or just needs to think. Alot of men know the become irrational when stressed or worried about something so being on their own is best.
As long as he is there to give you all the attention you need when you are upset then I don't think you should worry yourself with questions - Men, they're a strange breed!
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