A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am in a bit of a situation that is upsetting me.I go to college and before I went there I didnt know anyone.On the first day I was sat by myself so on the second day I decided to go over and chat to another girl who was by herself.We got chatting at lunchtime and when we went back into the classroom I found out that she also chatted to 2 other people solely in the classroom but didnt stay together at lunchtime.We sat together in class with these two other people who only spoke to her and not me for some reason and she spoke to just them,but at lunchtimes the other two went off and then she would speak to me.Me and her seemed to be getting on but then when she got more friendly with them they asked her to go with them at lunchtimes and she asked me to come,so it was the four of us.Over time me and the other two exchanged a few words but not a proper conversation or anything.Then it got worse I felt as though I was being pushed further and further away.Recently we went on a trip and I just felt as though I was tagging along other than they wanted me to be with them,they didnt speak to me all day,I tried to speak to the one who I first knew but she was just basically ignoring me.And today we went into the toilets and we were stood by the mirrors and they looked at me then looked at each other and laughed.They do really immature things like laugh at my clothes and whisper behind my back and when they are showing each other things on their phones they never show me.But I don't know what to do about it because I can't just go and sit with someone else in my class because everybody else has already formed groups so its not an option and also the people in my class are peculiar because they don't speak to anyone apart from the people in their groups.This is making me down because I feel hurt and betrayed and I dont know what to do or say.I dont want to quit college because of this but I also dont want to sit in the corner on my own.Can anyone offer any advice or guidance on the situation??Your help will be appreciatedThank-you for reading
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female
reader, Jen86 +, writes (8 May 2008):
They might just think you're stuck up. I know it sounds daft but its happened to me. You come across as being quiet and shy. Nothing wrong with that at all. Some people misinterpret this as you thinking you're too good to talk to them. It is crazy i know. Keep trying to talk to them and show them some videos on ur phone or pictures and they should let you see whats on theirs. They sound childish as well so thhey probably need to grow up a bit as well.
Keep trying and if it doesn't work what have you really ost other than distractions from your work?
A
female
reader, Kimaxsi  +, writes (8 May 2008):
I've been in a similar place, I met a girl at the start of the year she was really nice, we started chatting and even though we hadn't known one another long when my birthday popped up she bought me a present, and actually something I'd mentioned wanting. Then other people started talking to her, people that were a lot less shy and more forward than me, and I got intimidated. Some of these girls one in particular just seemed to hit it off really well with her, they had so much in common and I felt sort of like a third wheel, so I started to say less and less. In my case the girls weren't mean, though they didn't talk so much to me and I didn't have so much in common with them, in the end I let what could've been a good friendship slip away.
If the girl you started talking too is nice and you like her you need to take initiative and ask her to do things with you, keep talking to her, you have every right to talk to her, don't let the other girls scare you off. Despite their cattiness still talk to them if you can, if you show you won't back down they just might let you in, if they won't you can still be friends with this other girl. Also talk to others, who cares about groups, this is college not high school. Another group may be more than happy to let you in to their fold if you are nice. Just be yourself, don't back down and just hide behind the shadows, ask people to form study groups and have lunch etc., these groups are not like set in stone and if they are for your particular classes, join clubs with people who have similar interests, go to the gym, get a job on campus but you have to put yourself out there, you can't expect people to come to you.
If you don't make an effort this girl may feel you don't like her and she'll probably start to leave you out of things, thinking you don't even want to be a part of them.
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