A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I first started dating my boyfriend he kept from me that his best friend and business partner was actually his ex, I found that out around our third month dating and made him confess, he said he didn't want to worry me for nothing.She was his first love and they had a two year relationship that ended when she left him for another guy, apparently there was a lot of fighting and cheating involved (I don't understand how can they be friends after that). I found out that she was more than just any friend just by the way he talked about her, but he acted weird and every time she called kept sending her mails just to say hi and send her pictures of him. It took me six months to make him put away the picture of her that he had in his room, and a few arguments to make him stop saying how he would like to kick her boyfriend's ass. I talked to him and he swore he had no feelings for her and that he loved me but when we where moving together (about one year of dating) I found out that he still kept her letters and gifts, we have had a lot of discussions during our entire relationship about this but he always ends up crying and saying that he can't live without me and that he loves me.We have been together for three years now and he still keeps photos of her in his album and refuses to get rid of them, he doesn't seem to understand that when I see her or he mentions her I remember all and I feel that he is with me just because she doesn't want him.It's very painful to know that after three years together I am still not important enough to make him forget about her and throw all her stuff away.
View related questions:
best friend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): Dump his ass. If he really loved you he'd be sensitive to your needs, and not rub your face in his previous relationship. If he really cared, he'd keep their relationship on a professional level out of respect for you. If nothing else, he should put all the pics of her and relationship momentos in a box, and put them in a deep, dark corner of the garage. True, we all have stuff from our last relashionships. You don't have that stuff in view of your new love. Sounds like he gets to have his emotional cake and eat it, too. If he still wants to share personal "moments" via text and photos with her, tell him to go back to her. Oh, wait, she won't have him. Maybe remind him of this. He should be sharing his "moments" with you. When something happens in his life, you should be the first person he thinks to share it with.
So, you can't change the fact that he's still hurt over losing her. But, if your relationship progresses towards marriage and kids, if he really loves you, maybe it's time to cut every-day ties with her. All she's doing is holding him back from fully committing to you.
You deserve a man that is 100% available, emotionally, to you. A man with no solid daily ties to his ex that he is still so obviously caught up over. I like to call that "baggage". There's plenty of guys without it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): I'm with you i think he should throw the pic out. I'm in a similar situation where my bf said he thought his ex was "the one" I didnt like hearing that. If he wants to be with you he should respect you and really be with you! Don't let him make you feel like your second. As for the gifts well there gifts so thats different.
...............................
A
female
reader, miss-innocent  +, writes (21 November 2008):
ok you are working your way towards splitting you two up and i know that is not what you want, i have split up with my first love over 5 years ago and we still text on a daily/weekly basis most of the time i still have a lot of gifts and photos so this is completly normal. try to come to terms with the fact that if they are working together they have a good friendship and you or noboody will be able to end that only them so dont be naging at him try and accept it or at least pretend you accept it good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): no-one really forgets their first love and not many people want to, it's not the fact the he doesn't like you or he likes her it's just that she was the first!
...............................
|
