A
female
age
41-50,
*un5353
writes:HiI have been dating this guy for 3 months. We met in a online site and things are going really slowly. He says he is serious and wants a long term relationship. His ex-girl friend broke up with him 9 months ago. After 2 months he left the online dating.. I left earlier.. We are seing each other exclusively now. What bothers me is that we see each other once a week or once every two weeks as he works a lot. I asked if he was dating other people and he was furious saying that he has been working hard. I think he is serious about me as he invited me to spend NYE with all his best friends but I did as I had a party to attend with my friends. I am frustrated as I would like us to have more time together and I think I am love with him. I went to have to see him at his place two days yesterday and we watched a movie and he hugged me and was very attentive but then he said he was to tired to make love to me as he was very tired and he needed some rest then obviously I left and did not spend the night with him. I feel he is a bit distant and I think he still love his ex-girlfriend. I also feel that when it comes to sex he is not like the other man. he is very relax about and it feels like he does not bother at all. I don't know what to do. Please help. Shall I keep trying or just leave him and date other people? I don't want do that as I really like him..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 Q: Should I give him space?
A: Space is given only when the relationship is in the verge of breaking up. Space occurs when both of you have a relationship in stress. However, going full court press maybe a bad strategy.
Q: Let him to pursue me??
A: Yes that would be the general idea.
Q: Is it normal to see each other once a week??
A: Given the description of his working hours, once a week is better than 6 days in 3 months.
Q: How along does it take for a guy to fall in LOve??
A: It depends on a guy's priorities, problems and other factors. Different guys, different resistance.
Q: I think he likes me but he is not in love..How can I make him to fall in love with me??
A: I suggest that you cool back there and try to be feminine instead of hounding up to him. Love is something waited upon and nurtured. When things are ripe, then its time to be plucked and enjoyed.
Take a cue from an old romantic song and maybe you could pick up things that you need to do...
"Love letters
Straight
From your heart
Keep us so near
While we're apart
I'm not alone
In the night
When I can have
All the love
You write"
"I memorize
Every line
I kiss the name
That you sign
And darling
Then I read
Again
Right
From the start
Love letters
Straight
From your heart"
A
female
reader, sun5353 +, writes (11 January 2009):
sun5353 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys
Following my story, we don't have a distant relatioship, he lives only 20 min from me. I confronted him last week. I know we have been together only for 3 months and we see each other once a week or every 10 days. He told me that he has feelings for me but he is in a difficult financial situation and he has to work many hours to keep up with his commitments. He says that he wants a future partner and family and not being dating many girls at the same time. He is serious, but then he said that there is nothing he can do about his job. He works over the weekends as well and he has also different shifts. He starts at work at 8am and finishs at 4pm and then he goes home or see some friends, or he starts at 12am and finishes at 8pm and go home after that. I also have a busy life as I work full time and study 3 evenings a week. I told him that we need to make an efford to see eachother and communicate more via text,phone, etc. That was last Sunday. We have been comunicating through MSN when he is working but he seems to be very distant sometimes. This week I have been texting him, calling him, etc, doing on the chasing and I feel he is pulling away. Should I give him space? Let him to pursue me?? Is it normal to see each other once a week?? How along does it take for a guy to fall in LOve?? I think he likes me but he is not in love..How can I make him to fall in love with me??
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (3 January 2009):
So eye to eye, its 6 days. Thats not the way to build a relationship. He wont gain to know you and you, him. A long distance relationship has greater chances of failing.Would it be possible if you meet say thrice or once a week? If its not possible for him, how about you? If again it is not possible for both, keep your options open for other interested parties.How about somebody nearer your place - where you work or where you live? Love is very organic, in a sense that it needs the right care - water, sunlight, fertilizer, cultivation and so forth. If you care for your plants, 6 times in 3 months - will flowers blossom or wither and die? Same is true for an extreme care - too much of a good thing, would make the plant die quickly than without care.One day a week, face to face and getting to know each other is satisfying. Twice will be good. Thrice is super. Provide some space too but not too much space where you can fit a black hole.I had distant relationships before and it never worked out. Maybe if there is no possibility of reviving this relationship, move on to the next - but with somebody nearer.
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A
female
reader, sun5353 +, writes (3 January 2009):
sun5353 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers..
Not really solid for 3 months. I have spent about 5 nights with him only at his place and 1 at mine. Since the begning he has not changed his behaviour.
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (3 January 2009):
When you say 3 months, would that be a solid 3 months? Or less solid than 3 months of seeing him?
I have paid attention to what you wrote:
"I went to have to see him at his place two days yesterday and we watched a movie and he hugged me and was very attentive but then he said he was to tired to make love to me as he was very tired and he needed some rest then obviously I left and did not spend the night with him."
Funny but its the same thing I told a girlfriend many years back. My reason was before anything, I have to make sure that I really have to know who I am dealing with, this will include STDs.
now with your pressumption that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend - that might not be true. What is more probable is you might do what he didn't like with his ex-girlfriend. The wierd feeling like, "Well, here we go again..." A small "hang up" which could be remedied by constant communication.
Improvise in communicating with your man - SMS, e-mail, the phone and simple Hallmark cards. If he responds, then he is truly interested.
But I have to go back to my question since you wrote for you title "he is a bit distant" - When you say 3 months, would that be a solid 3 months? If there are huge spaces between then I believe everything is unripe for the picking.
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A
female
reader, S - soadlover :-) +, writes (3 January 2009):
 heya hun
just to say i kno how u feel, my guy works lots and i barely see him but what u gotta do hun is just make the most of the time u do have, if he works as much as he says then its understandable if hes tired
dont let the thoughts of an ex cloud ur vision on these things, hes with YOU, not her and if he tells u its exclusive then he means it
are there any signs of him still bein in contact with his ex?
also if u've had exs who spent more time with u (not as much work etc) then its understandable the way u are feeling
just ask urself if hes worth waitin for tht 1 day a week
i'm sure u kno tht answer
and as time goes on u'll find more time together as u get more serious
send him flirty txts n let him kno if u miss him (not stalkerish thou lol) he'll appreciate it - mayb he doesnt hav time to breath to realise how little time he gets with u
also hes taking things slow - doesnt tht show how he respects you and cares?
wish u luck x x
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