A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me,I am suffering with this big problem,I don't know if I share this issue, you may think stupid but 'I am' what to do, here goes my story I believe in one women/one men in life for marriage/love, I have loved my g/f too much for 8-yrs to the point where I can't even think without her a life. after 8yrs now I came to know that she has loved someone else before me with pure heart as I have loved her too much and it was very deep and first love for her but because of some problem from his family, she left him and now shared with me regarding him after 8yrs. It was a big shock to me to listen her love story, because I feel she cheated that she had loved someone more then me, previously and hidden from me. Now she says she loves me a lot and I too but not able to digest her past with some good sincere pure heart handsome lover, please suggest me to be happy with her, I have tried every way but I am not able to forget her every and each moment with him, it gives me pain. please suggest me. Even I feel pain for anybody who cheats for each other in love, even I had one girl in my mind before this girl in my life but she was not ready for me, so I did not try her and left her, later I met this girl and loved with pure heart till now and after listening her story I'm going through the pain
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): Thank you for all answers but I was hoping someone who has gone through the similar situation and came out of the problem and however, I believe being a male and with same situation can understand this problem (sorry I don't know but I feel) that is why I am hoping answers as above said. And one more important thing is if she is expressing/describing feelings on him like, he was sincere, smart, handsome, very loving & park visits, shopping, gift etc does that mean she still loves him or hoping for him (It was her 17-yrs age and now 27yers aged)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 He didn't say she lied about it. He just said he didn't know about this until now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Has everyone gotten so busy calling this guy bad stuff that they forgot his girlfriend lied to him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): You really need to grow up hun....The world is not an ideal place and yes people love and have relationships fail..Thinking that you could possibly be the only ne she could ever lve is ridiculous...T be honest of you split up.....Yes she would love again and so would you
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 March 2011):
First off you must understand that you are misusing the word "cheating". Cheating is when you are in a relationship with one person, but are intimate with another behind their back. What this woman has done is not cheating. Now unless I misunderstood you, she was first in love with this other man, then she couldn't be with him, and THEN she went into a relationship with you? Or is that wrong? Were you and her in a relationship while she loved this other man?
I will base the rest of my answer to you based on the first assumption, that she was in love with this other man BEFORE she entered a relationship with you. Do tell us if that is a misunderstanding.
She was as unable to control her emotions for this man as you were unable to control your emotions for her. She loved him, as you loved her. It is painful to think that perhaps this means she loves you less, or that you come second. But you should try and see that just because you feel this way, or think this way, doesn't mean it is the truth.
Your woman is the ONLY ONE who knows the truth about how she felt for this man of her past, and she is the only one who knows the truth about how she feels for you. There is nothing you can do but TRUST in her words. If she tells you she loves you then you need to trust in that. And not to feel inferior to the other man. Whatever reason it was that they didn't work out, there is also a reason why she is with you now. How do you know she loved someone more than you? And what do you think this means? Are you afraid that she secretly wants this other man? Are you afraid that she might leave you over him? Those are reasonable fears. But there is nothing still to do but to trust in your woman. Trust in her love for you, and trust that you are WORTH having her and her love. You deserve that. You didn't steal her away from anyone, or force her to be with you. She chose you out of her own heart and emotion. She loves you not because someone told her to. You can not control the emotions of the heart, and her heart has chosen you now.
As a last word of wisdom, love is not something that can be compared. You can not love someone more or less than another. If some people tell you they do, then they aren't understanding their emotions, and perhaps their emotions are fake. You always love people DIFFERENT. But not higher or lower. Love is love. Love is not in percentages. You either love someone, or you don't. And there's different types of love. But each person is loved in their own unique way, which makes them special, and beyond comparison.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 Everyone has a past. Nobody can change it, no matter how much they wish they could.
You're being silly and unrealistic about your girlfriends past! She hasn't cheated on you; you weren't even a part of her life then!! As you grow older, you have to realize there are lesser chances of being your partner's first...just accept it. Just because you didnt have anyone else doesnt mean she cant!! Its unreasonable!!
Grow up and cherish what you have now.Its called the "past" for a reason...leave it behind. Move on and be happy
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 I'd suggest growing up.
People have pasts. Some not as pretty as others. To expect or hope that you would fall in love only once in your life, and that for ever is a little unrealistic, even in your culture, I'm sure.
She loves you now and you don't seem to have any reason to doubt it. It's only your own insecurity that tortures you. She has not cheated on you by ANY stretch of the imagination (which is more to her credit than you realize, actually).
Remember that its the future you will share together (assuming you do break out of this cycle) that is far more important than any man she may have known in the past.
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