A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel betrayed by my friend. I have been friends with a guy who is younger than me and although I developed feelings for him we have only been good friends.I became friends with a woman and she thought I had something going on with this guy. She was never interested in him and never really spoke to him until I told her the situation and that I did have feelings for him but that it could never go anywhere for a few reasons.She suddenly started contacting him and flirting and then came onto him and they wound up sleeping together! Now, I know it shouldn't bother me but it does. She knew how I felt about him and I feel like she purposely tried to lure him away from me, take his friendship away be having sex with himI haven't said anything to her or to him. She doesn't know that I know, he's the one who told me.I'm hurt. I thought she was a good friend but don't know her well and now I feel like this is the type of person she is.I don't know if I should say anything to her. I want to tell him that I feel she did this on purpose to compete in a way. What to do, what to do.
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): Thank you very much for the replies. It helped to reinforce what I was already thinking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Friendships are not always smooth sailing. Sometimes they head into really dark, stormy waters. Your qualities as a friend will be illuminated by how you navigate those waters. Will you push through the bad times, or cut and run?
I think your friend has made a major gaffe and it’s ok to call her on it. By not saying anything you are withholding important information from her too.
Explain to her that you have found out about her tryst with your friend that she knew you had deep feelings for and that no matter how you try to feel ok about it, you’re not. You feel hurt and upset. Explain to her that those feelings seem to have been compounded by the fact she didn’t tell you afterwards.
It’s essential in these conversation you take ownership for your feelings. Say: “I feel hurt”, rather than “you hurt me”. It’s a small distinction but it makes a great deal of difference to the outcome.
Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Try to believe that we all make mistakes and she didn’t mean to hurt you. I think that’s a good place to start. It doesn’t mean you can’t still feel upset, but try to imagine one day you might do something you regret that harms your relationship with her. Think how you would want her to react. Be like that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (12 February 2009):
 I would distance myself from the friend, but I don't think I would confront her. I'm sure she knows what she did. She used you and took advantage of your friendship to find some romance.Continue seeing your male friend. It's up to you whether you want to confess your true feelings or not: only you know whether it's worth the risk.I doubt that airing your feelings about her will get you anywhere with him. Just make sure he knows you value his company and continue to see him at the same pace you always have.You've learned a valuable lesson: not everyone is trustworthy. My advice is to never trust this particular person again while keeping your heart open to new friends.
...............................
|
