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I don't want to lose my boyfriend. What can I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i need help and fast. my b/f wants to break up but i dont think i can stand not having him... i love him soo much. we went on a break that lasted 3 days n now he wants to break up... hes the love of my life and i dont want to lose him how can i keep my baby!?

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A female reader, adviceQueen Canada +, writes (2 November 2008):

Okay i had the same problem. dont get crazy with him like hysterically crying, or anything you need to sit back and think about why he would feel this way and if u had went on a break for three days he could very well have met someone else too better suit his needs. i know that sounds a bit harsh but depending on the the time you have been together.. he could also have a void somewhere.

heres what you do...

ask him to sit down with you and talk just for a bit

dont start in to "Why dont you want to be with me" or "is there someone else" just lightly say how are you, what are you up to today ... MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE. then gradually start to get to the point. tell him how you feel ask about his feelings, try too focus in on him a little more then yourself. ask him is there something wrong, maybe that i have done. could we give it another try just to see if things will get better. remember: stay calm and collected while going through this conversation.

if he is not willing to talk or help you and him get to the root of the problem he probly just wants me time

and there is nuthing to do

But there is a couple sayings i am sure you have heard.

"its better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."

"If you love them let them go, if they come back they are yours forever, if they dont they were never yours to begin with"

just something to think about.

how old are you how long have you been together? that probably would help me realize the severity of this situation

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A female reader, sammy-88 United Kingdom +, writes (2 October 2008):

dont use the baby as an excuse to keep him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008):

dont make someone stay with you if they dont want to that will be the wrong thing to do. y not just sit him down and speak to him and find out y he wants to break up and tell him how you feel.

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A female reader, jackums619 United States +, writes (4 June 2008):

I know this is an old post, but I'm currently in this situation.. I asked my boyfriend if he's been thinking about breaking up, he said he doesn't know.. it didn't make sence so i asked him "what"?? He said he felt as if our realationship was immature.. I just said ok.. and blinked back the tears.. later that day I was talking to one of his friends about everything.. he told me that my boyfriend is stupid, because He is the immature one, and if he wants the relationship to be mature, then he needs to stop acting like hes 16 and act his age.

We used to break up, and I would alway beg for him and he'd come back saying i love you, i don't want to be with anyone else..

i now realized how dumb i was to beg for him. I love him more than anything.. but i can't keep doing this.. if he wants to break up then thats it.

And thats what every girl in this situation should do.

hope this helped

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A female reader, red1982 United Kingdom +, writes (8 February 2008):

What an awful situation to be in. I think most of us have been where you are at some point, and I'm hoping that I can at least help you to learn through a couple of my mistakes in life so that you don't have to make them yourself.

I'm afraid honey that there is nothing you can do to change his mind about wanting to be with you. If he wants to break up that is pretty much that.

One person cannot love enough in a relationship to make up for another persons lack of feelings. And it would effect your self esteem badly if you were together for longer knowing that he does not love you as much as you love him.

We can't make anyone love us. But you MUST believe that you are worthy of being loved. Just because he has finished the relationship with you does not mean that you are not worthy of another person. I can also assure you that he is not the only person for you and you will meet someone else once your heart has healed - and it will eventually. I know that it really doesn't feel like it though and make sure that you have someone who you can express your feelings to, keep your friends and family around you because you will need their love and support.

Rejection by the person you love most is really hard to accept, but whatever you do don't beg and plead with him as you'll feel embarrased and it won't work anyway. You are entitled to an explanation though and try to make him at least tell you why he doesn't think your relationship is working. But don't compromise your beliefs, or morales to stay with him. If he can't love you for who you are then he's really not worth it.

I am really sorry that you are going through this, I hope that everything works out for you

xxxx

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A female reader, Mistify South Africa +, writes (8 February 2008):

Mistify agony auntHi there

I agree with Laura, but i will expand a bit more

When one of the two people involved in a relationship, is not interested in making it work, then there is hardly ever something you can do to make them feel otherwise.

This is what they are feeling, and you can't change that.

But - you can give it one last go.

You can sit him down, and tell him how you feel. Tell him how you feel about the prospect that you might lose him. Tell him how he makes you feel, and how you feel complete with him in your life. Tell him how much you love him, and what you think the future holds for both of you.

After you've told him all these things, and he still wants to break up, you really have no other choice.

Losing someone we love with all our hearts, is one of the most difficult things us humans are faced with, but it is an everyday reality, and many of us have felt the way you do now.

However, you need to reach the point where you see yourself as a WHOLE person.

You need to see how special you are, and that you CAN actually get by without this guy.

When one door closes, another will open, and maybe this is what you need to go through, in order to find someone who will WANT to be with you no matter what.

I can't really say anything to console you. Just, that i'm sorry for what you're going through, and that i'll be here to chat to you any time you need.

Good luck - i hope it all works out for the best.

Love & Light

M

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (8 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIf he is bend on leaving, there is nothing you can do about it . You can ask him what will keep him by your side?

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