A
female
age
41-50,
*n_love_and_guilty
writes:6 months ago I met this great guy through friends and we started hanging out. He is a newly wed and just moved into my community for work. One thing lead to another and I find myself in love with him. We both tried to deny our feelings for each other but one night after going out for drinks we gave in, that was 3 months ago. Since then we have been inseparable. And it isnt just sex, we could hang out for days and never have sex. We just love each others company.A few nights ago one of my girl friends had a girls only party and invited his WIFE. (apparently they are good friends now). I felt so guilty as she started talking about how his new job seems to be taking up so much of his time and how he doesnt seem to have much interest in sex with her. She was almost in tears. Later that nigth I called him and told him we had to end our relationship and he said that he loved me (for the first time), He agreed that what we were doing was wrong but that he cared so much for me that he didnt want to be. He said he would leave his wife befor ehe would consider losing me. I really do love him and believe he might me my perfect guy but we live in a VERY SMALL community and I dont want to be know as the "homewrecker". What should I do?Do I walk away from the relationship that could be the one? Or do I encourage him to leave his new marriage to be with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): alternative view on your affair:
So your true love is actually the true love of another meaning his unsuspecting faithful wife. You actually want me to believe that you care enough for the welfare of his wife by ending it with your married man, yet in the same breath are actually waiting with baited breath for him to leave his wife – for you. Let’s call a spade a spade, shall me – meaning lets look at this situation in blavk and white, without the romantic notion of your affair. And it is an affair, it is an illicit affair conducted by 2 unscrupulous people, meaning you and your married man. You unashamedly started sleeping with this MM only 3 months after he got married. You never cared about his marriage vows, you never cared about the fact that he was taken, and that he “belonged” to this someone else. You just helped yourself to this MM knowingly and purposefully. You now have the romantic notion that you two belong to each other. It’s time to get up and see the real situation. He so easily got between your legs because you were so available to him. You knew that he was married yet you easily became HIS ONE. Yes his true one that he could have anytime, anywhere – so vey easily. You have this romantic notion that he will leave his wife for you. He may very well do- after all you are still providing the goods to him, aren’t you. Then what? No more rough and ready sex- you will then just be his boring other half- just like his wife now. Sad wouldn’t it really be that you turn out to be juts like his wife. Just as he so easily go it with you, he will get it on with someone else. It did not take him long to find a replacement for his wife. Imagine just how quickly he will replace his mistress – YOU. The old adage “if he is doing it with you, he will do it to you” has never been more sweeter.
Guilty, for what. You want this man and will not stop at anything to get him. Just be careful what you wish for. You are leaving the mistress vacancy sign very visible. He will just take you up on your offer. You replace his loyal, trusting, “blindsighted” wife, he just replaces you as his mistress. Nice romantic picture, isn’t it? Well, welcome to the adulterous world that we live in. Nothing is sacred, and mistresses that believe that they can easily replace the wife find out the hard way what being the other woman really can be like.
For your sake I wish his wife all the best in divorcing him. I wish her strength during this emotional heart breaking time. I also wish that she will be strong emotionally and also financially fit- meaning that she negotiates for the best financial settlement. I also wish that she is wise – wise enough to take you to the cleaners. Yes, uprooted wives, more and more, who can show that mistresses have caused alienation of their husbands affection ca get a hefty settlement. Not to mention the last laugh when your small town identifies you as the true home wrecker that you so sadly are. His wife will be better off without him. She is young enough to start over again. She can still find herself a faithful, honest reputable man and there are plenty of those out there.
So please do not act the innocent. You know what you truly are, you so purposefully indulged with this married man. You so knowingly are having sex with this man. But then you cry I am really a nice/good person”. Really now? Would a goooooood decent woman be indulging in the manner you are. Has anyone forced you to have sex with this married man, has anyone forced you to steal his affections and love from his wife. Has anyone forced you into this illicit affair. No, it is called free will. You freely and willfully conducted your affair knowing that you were destroying this marriage. You have not even given this marriage a chance, you are purposefully bent on him ending his marriage. You so innocently made that call to him after meeting his wife. Who was the bigger fool at this meeting – you or his wife. How did you endure laughing and joking with her, did you secretly pity her knowing that your legs are always open to her husband. I am sure it gave you the upper hand. I can just imagine the guilty scenario you painted to him. ‘we are doing wrong, I just cannot have sex with you any more, your poor wife. I juts cannot do this anymore” What does he predictable do? He promises to leave her for you, his lover/mistress. He promises you the world, just as he promised his wife not more than 6 months ago. Rosy picture, hey. But for how long?
Do you possess any moral fibre, you are worried about your small community obviously you are worried about your ‘good name’. where are your worries as you indulge in sex with him. You should not be concerned about the small gossip but then it wouldn’t be gossip would it? It would be only the truth of your amoral behaviour with this man.
What colour did your face turn when his wife complained about his new job taking up all his time and his disinterest in sex with her? Pitying her now were you? How do you actually look yourself in the mirror, or do you just explain yourself away as you just did in your posting? Someone who can’t keep it in his pants while being a newly wed, imagine what he will be doing to you when you become stale? And babes, you will. So much in love, don’t you think he is so much IN LUST because you are so easy to get laid. All it took him was mere hanging around with you before you greedily made him yours – how, by offering your good self to him, that’s how.
How many girls night out with his wife before you are labeled the homewrecker? How will you explain yourself to society when you lack self esteem. You, so low in self esteem to actually steal this newly wed. Surely you could have chosen an unattached man, instead you deliberately choose a married man and try to paint a picture of moral upstanding mistress crying false tears of doing wrong. Sugar coating and being false is what you have been all this time with this man, when will it end?
Let me fast forward a bit. He ends his marriage. For a while you and your lover are just so good together. Wait a minute, what happens. Life creeps in- yes, everyday life. Boring life, monotonous wife, no more exciting sex with the mistress then. A vacancy signs gets posted. You were juts replaced as a mistress. Sad, sad life! For you, I wish you the life of a wife, who finds out that she is being replaced by another mistress, which you once were. Not a good place to be now. You don’t want to be known as the home wrecker? Then pray do tell – what are you exactly? Let’s get real and call the situation what it really is. I have more respect for someone who admits wrong doing than someone who sugar coats their indiscretion. What will You leave as your legacy in life? Shame, dishonesty, unadulterated pain and trauma?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 Cut him off. If he truly does love you he will end his marriage. Then once the ink on the divorce papers has dried, you can start dating again, you may or may not find out if he is the one for you. But if he can cheat on a new bride, I'd certainly keep my eyeswideopen.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (4 May 2009):
I feel you should end the relationship whilst he is still married,then if he does leave his wifehe may not,give it 6 wks,then pursue the relationship.At least this way you can start with a clean sheet.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I'm controversial in the sense that if he loves you, he should do anything he can to be with you and prove it. yes he's married, but life isn't always a fairytale, there are bound to be problems in the way of love. If he won't leave his wife immediately to be with you, then he isn't going to stick around long for you.
Old Guy has a point, but if he does love you, maybe he is your One.
Tell him how you feel and talk seriously if you can have a future together or if it was just a lusty fling.
I think the longer this goes on for without the wife knowing, the worse the outcome will be. So do something soon, whatever your heart tells you.
If you truly think he is the One man you are supposed to have in your life, make it happen, you have the control of your own life and happiness.
Good luck and all the best
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): If he chooses to leave his new marriage for you, then you have to ask yourself how able he is to commit. Can you really make a life with someone who would do that? Where will you be when someone else new comes along?
Your issue isn't what happens in a small community. Your issue is about being with a man who would betray his wife, and then perhaps you in turn.
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