A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question that will seem like there is a common sense answer. But I will ask it anyway. My boyfriend and I have been on and off again more times than I can count. We have only been together for about 3 months but it feels like years. I honestly don't even like the relationship and would get away if I could. The problem is every time we "break up" he ends up texting me that he can't be without me. But he doesn't mean a girlfriend, he just can't have me not in his life. So we start talking again, I want more, he just wants friends, but he wants more than friends because he doesn't want us to date other people, but he isn't ready for a relationship... and on it goes. To which I respond, as does everyone else, if you love me then you would want to be with me. And he says it isn't that simple, that he isn't ready to date right now, etc. Now this has seriously happened at least 4 times. But We do always end up dating again and not working out. But every time we stop talking "for real" he will text back a day or week later saying he can't live without me, and the cycle starts again. Now I don't even know if he really cares and is seriously messed up and can't have a relationship (like if that actually exists), or if he just has to have me around for other reasons (and I can't begin to think of what they would be since we no longer have sex). But I am at the point that regardless of what he says I don't think he cares at all or loves me. I want to move on. Every time I think I can, he texts back and I get sucked back in. I just can't ignore him. I feel like there is nothing I can do to break the cycle unless I seriously changed my phone number, but then I would end up texting him when I am lonely. How can I just ignore him? It isn't as easy as it seems. Because although I don't want to be in the endless breaking up/dating cycle, I also don't want him to move on completely. I am terrified of being alone and he is gone for real. I don't know how to get past this fear. I have never been able to end a bad relationship unfortunately, I hang on to all of them until the other person completely stops contact and I have no choice but to do the same. But I can be strong enough not to contact that person, but not strong enough to turn someone down or ignore them if they contact me. So when he keeps coming back saying he wants me it is like I'm not strong enough to say no. Or strong enough to rather be alone. I have never been in this situation before. How do I go about ignoring someone who won't leave me alone? Or how do I go about moving on while talking to an ex still? Because when I talk to him we hang out and then it is all downhill from there. How do I get the strength to know I will be okay alone and ignore him?ps- incase you tell me to tell him to leave me alone, it has been done. numerous times! I tell him that I can't ignore him but I want to be over it and to please not call anymore. He just says it isn't his problem and he can't not talk to me and if I don't want to talk I can just ignore it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you are both right, especially orangejuice. It is all just a fear of being alone, it isn't him at all. And from all of this I can tell he doesn't care about me. Reading your answers has made me feel like maybe I can just stop talking to him. That I can be strong enough. And I think hearing another person confirm that he doesn't care really makes me realize it a little more. If you love the person you would want to be with them. He fucks with me and plays head games and I need to get out of it. Thank you both so much.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): I think you just feed his ego. Hes told you he doesnt want a full on relationship with you. Meaning he doesnt care enough about you to have you as his girlfriend. So hes not loved up with you at all.
You have told him you cant ignore him because its your pattern of behaviour to hang on until guys dump you.
So....when hes bored and feels like having his ego massaged, he just calls you up and runs around with you for a while, until something comes up and hes off again. Its not a good situation for you to be in but until you address your issues and learn how to say no to his type, im afraid you are destined to repeat this kind of behaviour.
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A
male
reader, OrangeJuice +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I think you really need to address this issue pronto, this guy has you trapped and he knows it, you have the strength to push him away, you just dont think you do, and you have the ability to do it, your just afraid of being alone. It seems like a confidence issue and possibly a self-esteem issue, you should really think about what you and this guy could have in the future because at this point it seems like he is really hurting you. The cycle you are in will only get worse and worse and you need to try to gather up the strength to push him away or at least to have him keep his distance, if you want to stay in contact with him, make sure you keep your distance. If not get involved in some activities or make your schedule busy, this way you will have less time to think about him and this situation may not bother you so much. And maybe you can go out and find someone new!
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