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I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him either!

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2010)
A female United States age 18-21, *ueenoffools writes:

So my boyfriend came over today, and he doesn't have anywhere to go. I don't have any feelings for him, he knows that we are not together, but I don't know if he thinks that Im serious. I'm not in love with him anymore because of the past. I will always love him like family because he is my baby's father. But other than that I don't want to hurt his feelings..and the thought of him being with another women makes me really really upset, its like i don't want him, but i dont want anyone else to have him either..

It's super hard to tell him how i feel, so i rather just stay away from talking about it. But i don't want him in my house anymore..

what do i do??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010):

You need to be completely honest with him about how you feel. He needs to know it is totally over so he can move on. It's only fair. He may be hoping that at some point you can rekindle things. It is cruel to not let him get his head around meeting someone new. There is someone out there for him and you would be doing him and yourself a favour if you make things clear. If you don't want him let him go find someone else.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010):

What do you do? Stop cock blocking and allow him to be with a woman who will love him the right way. Who wants a half-stepper? Place yourself in his shoes, otherwise you're going to awake one morning to his shoe prints leading out your front door and it will be well deserved.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010):

You can't have it both ways. Love him or let him go. Simple as that.

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A female reader, cavwils12 United States +, writes (8 December 2010):

cavwils12 agony auntIf you guys arent together anymore than why do you refer to him as your boyfriend? If you feel jealousy when you think of him with other women actually means you have feelings for him. When you do not have feelings for him, then you have completely let go and have moved on. Just tell him he needs to start looking for another place to live.

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (8 December 2010):

QuirkLady agony auntWhy doesn't he have anywhere to go? Did his family kick him out? Did his apartment burn down?

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A female reader, tamtam Canada +, writes (8 December 2010):

The answer you can pretty much give to any relationship question, talk to him about it.

If you want him to be a part of your child's life then you REALLY need to talk to him about it because you don't want the relationship between you two to go sour. Tell him that you'll also see him as family but you think that the two of you should be able to move on with your lives as you don't yourselves suitable for each other.

It'll be hard getting over him being with someone else but unless you plan on being with him again, it's something you need to get over. It's not an uncommon feeling to have and it's hard to see the person you once loved and that once loved you so much loving someone else. It'll probably get better over time and once you find someone else that you find worth loving.

If you find it really hard to talk to him then simply just tell him that you want to move on with your life and him living at your house isn't helping. Give him a couple of weeks to find a new place (don't just throw him out). Say that he can still come visit the child but maybe not as often for the first couple of weeks/months because you need some time to yourself.

I hope things work out for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010):

Ask yourself this. What are you going to do when he marries the woman that you push him in the arms of? Work on the relationship before giving up. Regret is an heart and head slayer. Worse than breaking up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010):

You still love him and you want a relationship with him but you are you are still filled with anger, hurt, confusion, insecurity and resentment behind something he did or said to you that you still haven't faced and dealt with appropriately. It's a behavior typical of individuals who find it difficult or impossible to recognize that people aren't perfect and so are incapable of forgiving a person who makes mistakes. The consequence is the person (you) who can't forgive festers an unnecessary burdensome hatred inside which only works against you and your ability to have successful relationships with people including him.

I strongly recommend counseling.

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